My Testimony of Adoption and the Savior

Oct. 15, 2008

For any young girl that is pregnant or anyone that doesn't understand why I made the choice I did to place my son for adoption here is a good example of why. I am not a verbal person, very often no one hears me speak about my feelings but can often find them written somewhere. I thought I would share an experience and some thoughts with you today.

In Luke 22:41-42 it says "...Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done". Christ praying on the Mount of Olives. He understands how I felt when I knew it was close time to give Braxton to his parents. The night Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley pass away (January 27, 2008), I broke down, and cried to my mom telling her I couldn't do it, I couldn't give my child to someone else. I knew that even though Braxton wasn't due for another three weeks (Feb. 18) that my time with him was shorter than expected. I prayed to Heavenly Father to say I was supposed to raise my little boy but something in me told me, "No, you know what you are supposed to do." My step-father gave me a blessing that night and then I prayed again, this time for the strength to do what I knew I needed to.

Less than a week later (Feb. 1), I was in the hospital holding this little guy and feeling at peace with my decision. Even when asked if I was sure that this was the choice I wanted to make, I couldn't second guess myself again. I was sad, don't get me wrong, especially when I had to walk out of the room leaving him in the arms of his parents, but my heart knew that this was the right thing.

I see Braxton now, and I see how happy he is and I know that even though for three days he was mine, he would always be theirs, and was always meant to be theirs. I can't say what would have happened had I changed my mind or second guessed the Lord; I'm sure things would have worked out because I know that the Lord doesn't want to see us suffer regardless of the choices we make, but I do know that Christ understands. He was never a young girl placing her child into the arms of another woman, but he was a man willing to give his life in order to save the souls of those who would come unto him.

I am now happy and engaged to an amazing young man that, even though he barely knew me and the situation, was one of my best friends throughout my pregnancy and now is my best friend. There are days that I still struggle and wonder what it would be like if things were different if I had made a different choice, but through prayer and determination I know that even on the darkest day, the Son can still be seen "...not my will, but thine, be done".