Life As It Is

Long Update

2011-10-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it has been a long time since we updated last. Since February, here is what's been going on.

March: Kyle turned 21. Isabella turned a year old. She had a huge birthday party with lots of friends and family.

April: Was pretty much uneventful. Kyle was working for both Beaver Mountain and the city, so it was nice when Beaver closed. Towards the end of the month, I was having lots of contractions and we made a two trips to Logan thinking that maybe we were having a baby.

May: I turned 21. On the 4th we got our beautiful little Kristina Dianne, or K.D. as we like to call her. The poor thing was in the NICU for our whole stay at the hospital and Isabella got strep while we were there.

June: Summer started here in Bear Lake. We stayed pretty busy.

July: Both of us just worked and were still trying to adjust to having two little ones.

August: Toward the end of the month Kyle lost his job with the city, and I started working at Town and Country Realty along with my other job.

September: We had our second anniversary. We didn't do anything big, just sat at home with a picnic on the living room floor and watch a chick flick. I started CNA school that day with ISU. I should be taking my final tests in December. Kyle started to work for Epic Constructon.

October: This month our lives have been steady. We are finally getting in to a flow with all of our jobs and still trying to find family time. I am enjoying school but will be ready to have my Fridays back.

As for life in general things are good. Isabella is going to be Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween, and K.D. is going to be a witch. K.D. is growing fast. She is rolling over and trying to sit on her own. She is definantly developing her own personality. Isabella loves to read and loves Sesame Street. She is talking a lot and is learning new words everyday. One of her babysitters is teaching her sign lanugage. Kyle is really enjoying his job, and I am hoping to find something for my CNA. As soon as this is finished I will be finishing my generals online and hope to start the LPN program in the fall. So far my goal is to get a job some way revolved around labor/delivery or the newborn unit in a hospital.

Quick Update

2011-02-07T19:10:00.000-08:00

Ok so I've been lame and haven't updated lately. First of all we found out we are getting another little girl. Kyle is going to be outnumbered (and is feeling like he has a recessive gene considering his dad got all boys). We have moved in to a house in G.C. Isabella took her first few steps last night in between Kyle and I. We can't believe our baby is almost 1 year. Just a month left.

Happy Halloween

2010-10-30T17:41:00.000-07:00

Kyle picked out our costumes this year, which is fine, I get to dress him up next year.

Kyle gets a little to in to Halloween.

Look who's our creepy crawler.

And we're not so sure if this is a trick or a treat...but we'll find out when we're getting it Nov. 4.

It's been crazy

2010-07-15T18:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy past little bit I promise I will update everyone soon. Here is a recap: Kyle got baptized, Isabella is four months, I am trying to balance two jobs scouts and young womens camp while Kyle is balancing three jobs and scouts (we are really loving it though), and the fuel pump went out on the stratus (which we got fixed). I just wanted to share this picture to show that I am still active in this.

Birthday, Blessing, A Few Owies, Etc....

2010-05-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

Not having the internet has really altered my ability to be able to keep this up to date. I'm going to try to sum everything up as simply and quickly as possible. We will see how it goes.

May 1 was my birthday (woot woot) so Kyle and I were able to go on a date while his parents watched Isabella. It was nice to get out and be just us for a little while, although I was starting to miss her by the end of the trip. We went to Logan and ate at a sushi place, and then went to Alice in Wonderland. It was a really good show (even with the creepiness of Tim Burton). Of course it can't hurt to have Johnny Depp in it.

May 2 we had Isabella blessed. It was so nice for so many people to be able to be there with us. After the blessing we had lunch at Mom's.

Three cute cousins

May 3 Kyle decided to have an accident. While at work, he "some how" managed to drive a Gator (John Deere golf cart thing) in to a ditch and broke two fingers. He broke his pinky in two spots and his ring finger in one spot on his right hand (not so convenient for the week of finals, but he managed). We took a trip to Logan and had x-rays done and then a cast molded for his hand.

Kyle's left hand

Kyle's right hand

May 4 Isabella had her two month appointment. She weighed 9 lbs 8 oz and was 22 inches long. She did so good and was smiling at the nurse until they stuck the needles in her leg. After we got her pants on her and I cuddled her for a little while she was able to fall asleep.
As soon as we got home from Logan we changed clothes and went to the church. The bishop wanted to meet with us. We are now den leaders in the cub scouts for the bears and the wolves. Also I am one of the camp directors for the Young Women. I am excited for that one, but kindof scared of the scouts.

So I hope that sums everything up that has really happened, and wish us luck tomorrow as we go back to the doctor for Kyle. If his pinky is healing the right way he won't need surgery to fix it.

One Long Night

2010-04-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

Well we finally had a difficult night with Isabella. On days I go to Logan I know that that night is going to be rough because it's a hard day for her, but nothing has ever compared to last night. Poor little girl must have had an upset belly or something because from 10:30 - 2 she cried almost none stop unless we were holding her, or she was eating. This morning we both struggled to get out of bed, but all I had to do was see her sleeping and I couldn't be upset or frustrated. While we were getting her ready for church Kyle said something like, "You kept Mom and Dad up all night didn't you?" She got the biggest smile on her face as if to say "Yes I did but look how cute I am". She is so much fun, but I'm hoping she doesn't make this a habit, haha.

7 Weeks

2010-04-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that it has been 7 weeks. Isabella has grown alot (she's finally up to 8 lbs). She's starting to smile, mainly at her dad. I'm going to be sad when I have to start work. We are doing her blessing on May 2. Here are some new pictures of her.

New Baby, New Home, Kyle Turns 20

2010-03-11T15:25:00.000-08:00

So the title pretty well sums things up that are going on with us lately except, of course, not in that order. And just to warn you this blog is going to be a long one so you can skip through it if you want.

I will start on March 1 and go from there. So we went to the doctor and I had progressed from 1.5 centimeters to 3 centimeters, and had ephased a little further in a week. Our doctor told us that whatever we were doing to keep doing and we'd have a baby soon. He told us he'd schedule an appointment the next week and if I hadn't had her by that time, he'd schedule a day to induce me. I was excited but Kyle had informed our daughter that she wasn't allowed to be born until after his birthday a few weeks before, so I knew I'd have to hold off on any of the old wive's tale tricks to put myself in to labor until after his birthday.

On March 2, Kyle turned 20 and for his birthday we drove to Bear Lake to sign the final papers on our new apartment in Garden City. We hadn't planned on moving that soon, and actually wanted to stay in Logan (Garden City was kind of a last resort) but because we couldn't find anything cheaper in Logan and I had finished working, and also because we had a neighbor in our building that was smoking more than cigarettes across the hall from us and the smell was coming into our apartment, and cops were banging on his door on a almost nightly basis, I refused to bring a new baby back there. After that we went back to Logan and Kyle agreed that I could start trying to have a baby because I'm sure he was as tired of me being onery and pregnant too. First we went and got the oil changed on the stratus and then walked to the mall from Jiffy Lube and walked around the mall for a while. Kyle was able to buy his own birthday present since I didn't know what to get him and I figured that letting him pick for himself was better than me picking something he didn't want. We went and got some sushi for Kyle and really spicey chinese soup for me. Then we went back to the apartment and while he played his new Xbox game, I ate jalepenio poppers, and raspberry ice tea while I cleaned our bedroom. We looked online at some other options on how to induce labor and we tried almost all of them. We even found a chart on pressure points on the feet that could do the trick. At about 11:30 we decided to go to bed. I was frustrated and decided that I just had to wait longer to have the baby.

March 3, 4:15 I woke up to go to the bathroom and felt a tight pain in my back. I crawled back in to bed and another pain came. They were coming every 3 minutes and I felt my stomach and felt it tightening every time. Woohoo, I knew what was going on. I shook Kyle and told him I was having contractions every three minutes. His response was not what I expected. Half asleep, he said "Ok well tell me if we need to go to the hospital." "Probably now." I said. "Let me know when you're ready to leave." and with that he rolled on his side and started to snore again. I hit him and told him to grab what clothes he needed (I had already packed the basics for me and the baby the day before). He wandered around the apartment in sleepy daze. On the way to hospital we called our parents because we wanted both of our moms there with us when she was born.

We got to the hospital at about 5:30 and I was dialated to a 5. After the nurse told us that, Kyle (still half asleep) asked her if that meant we were staying or if we could go and come back later. She told him that we definantly had to stay and that I wasn't going any where. I progressed fairly well from that point on until they broke my water (which was between 10:30 and 11). I was dilated to an 8 and was stuck there. They started me on patosin at about 1 after I wasn't making any progress. I asked Ralph to give me a blessing. After this he and John (Kyle's dad) sat in there talking for a little bit. I started to feel harder contractions and had that intense pressure that told me baby was coming. I pulled Kyle over and told him to get Ralph and his dad out of there because we were having a baby and I didn't want them in the room. Almost right after he told them, the nurse told me to give a few practice pushes. She started to count and then at about 7 she said stop stop stop, your baby has hair. I sat there until the doctor came in for a few minutes. Thank heaven for an epidural because I was completely uncomfortable and knew that if I didn't have the pain killers that I would have been cussing. The doctor came in and the nurse told him that Kyle wanted to help deliver. Without asking any questions, he said "Hurry and get a gown on him." The nurse helped Kyle get his gown on and then after waiting what felt like forever for him to get the gloves on, it was time for her to come. Kyle was able to completely deliver her. The doctor just sat by him and told him what to do. I was leary of this when Kyle first suggested that he wanted to do it, but I'm glad I let him do it. Isabella Marie was born March 3, 2010 at 1:36 pm. She was 6 lbs 2 oz and 19 inches long.

We stayed in the hospital a few days and then went and stayed with Mom for a few nights. We left the hospital on Friday and on Saturday Kyle's family and Mom and Ralph helped us get our stuff moved out of the apartment in Logan and over to Bear Lake. We are now here, and actually quite enjoying it. Kyle has a job and will hopefully start working next week in Garden City. He is still driving to school which is the only down part, but we are happy and loving having this little girl. She is a sweet heart and hardly cries (which everyone I've talked to says that will switch in about 6 months) but I'm happy for it right now. She is a mini Kyle for the most part and I can already see a strong bond between her and her dad. As soon as he gets home from school, she is all his.

So that is a week of our life in a novel. Thanks for actually reading it.

What's New

2010-02-22T23:11:00.000-08:00

So I figured I'd do a quick update on what is new with us. First things first, I'm getting big and to the uncomfortable point where I am ready to be done, haha. And we're both excited to get her here. Kyle has discovered one of his new favorite past times of, when she's awake, poking her and making her kick him or try hitting him (he particularly enjoys doing this at church). We went to the doctor today and found out that I am 1.5 dilated and 50% ephased. We're hoping she comes a little before her due date but we'll see; she might develop to be like me and decide she doesn't want to come.

We are getting ready to move and hopefully will be able to soon. There are some problems with one of our neighbors in our apartment building and we don't feel comfortable staying here anymore, especially for when Isabella gets here. We will be moving to the new housing in Garden City for at least the summer because Kyle is having a hard time finding a job over here in Logan, but we plan on coming back before too long.

Kyle is doing great in school and is really enjoying his classes but is reconsidering teaching and is thinking about doing something else. If he can pass the physical, he is planning on trying for the highway patrol...quite opposite what we were thinking.

As for me, well, I'm enjoying my work...some days(which I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad. I don't know if I should feel guilty for enjoying calling people and asking them to take surveys). My supervisors have discovered a talent I didn't know I had. I am one of the few people that can keep farmers and ranchers on the phone for 20 minutes answering questions about their cows, crops, or what have you. Being raised in Rich County really paid off. One of my supervisors even pointed out that I develop a slight "hick" accent while talking to these men.

We really didn't do much for Valentine's Day but are excited because at the Chocolate Festival in Garden City, his parents won us a night stay at the Bluebird Inn. Saturday was kind of our Valentine's Day. Kyle brought me lunch to work (even though I allowed to go home early right when he got there) and he also brought me flowers. We ended up going to Hardware Ranch that afternoon and watched the elk and went to the visitor center. Kyle saw some kids sliding down the hill on their bums so he thought he better try it. It was quite amusing to watch. I have a video of it but he has refused to let me post it. He is such a little kid sometimes, that I'm not sure whether to be happy about it or nervous, all I know is that our kids will definantly have a playmate. After that we wandered around the big Wal-Mart for a while and then went to Percy Jackson: The Lightning Theif (not my idea but out of the movies playing at the time, it was our best choice).

Anyway, I'm sure that's enough about us. Hopefully our next update will include a new baby.

I snooped...

2010-02-12T11:37:00.000-08:00

Ok I guess you couldn't really consider it snooping but I was reading Holly's blog and followed a link on a recent post of her's to this website. It's actually pretty cool some of things they've done. If I were creative I'd seriously consider trying some of things. Heck I might even now...or at least try to convince Kyle to try some of these things out.

I like these things

2010-02-10T18:40:00.000-08:00

I have decided to create two polls about the baby. We have reached the last month of the pregnancy, woohoo. I'm just going to give you some details the doctor has given me to help you make your choice. Two weeks ago I had already started to dilated but not very much then (he'll really start checking on the 22). The baby is head down and very far down. I know I'm weird but if you want to, vote for what you think.

Look a like meter

2010-01-30T22:58:00.000-08:00

So I was getting bored and decided to play with the look a like meter. I'm trying to find a picture of my dad so I can post a picture of me compared to mom and dad to see which I'm more like.

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family photo sharing - Family roots

Hope ya know...

2010-01-16T23:03:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago this was shared with me and the girls I go to group counseling with. I liked it. Random I know.

A good time

2009-12-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

Hahaha! Do this! Really. SO FUNNY! Call the Nestle Crunch Hot line at 1-800-295-0051. When you are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile. Promise! keep going and press 4, listen to the options, then press 7, hilarious!!! (if you comment on this after listening, don't give it away!)

This really is worth it. It made me giggle and just make sure you press 4 and 7 the first time.

Neonatalcardio ultrasound

2009-11-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

Ya, the title is a big word for me to write, but it's the only announcement I really have and didn't know how to title this. On Tuesday the 17th (so ya a week ago, I'm behind).

Just as a background, even though I'm sure everyone already knows, Kyle has had four open heart surgeries for a few different things (pulmonary atresia, hypoplasty right heart syndrome, had a enlarged heart, and a few other things that were either caused from or linked to the other things. Ya, I've done a lot of research, good thing I like things to do with health.) Anyway because of all of this, our doctor told us he wanted us to go see a doctor in Salt Lake that could do a specialized ultrasound of our baby's heart. The reason for this was first of all, because our doctor wanted to know, and secondly, because if she has any of the same conditions as Kyle, we would not be able to have our baby in Logan and would have to go to Salt Lake. Even though there is no evidence that any of his conditions are hereditary, there is also very little evidence that it isn't hereditary. In fact, they don't really know what causes these conditions.

Now away from all that stuff, on Tuesday, we had to go to Primary Children's Hospital to visit with a neonatalcardiologist and have the ultrasound. Kyle was calm throughout this which was a good, because I have been extremely nervous about it. Even though I knew how rare the conditions were, I have still been freaked out that something would be wrong. We sat in the waiting room for about 30 minutes and with each minute I was getting more and more nervous, letting my mind run away with what if's.

Finally someone brought us into a room to do the ultrasound. As I lay there and watched her trying to find the heart, my mind continued to freak out. Finally after chasing her around for a while, the ultrasound tech was able to find her heart and zoom in on it. She took a long time and a lot of pictures of different angles of the baby's heart. She would talk to us, but said she wasn't allowed to really tell us anything about the findings in the heart. Ya, that was not so comforting to me. Finally she said that she got pictures of every part that she needed and went to get the doctor. He came in and looked through all the pictures, and re-looked at some.

He said that there was nothing he could see that was wrong. Thank heaven. He said that just as a side note, that doesn't mean there isn't anything however. Because some of Kyle's conditions have to do with the pulmonary valve, he said that some things won't be possible to detect until after she is born because right now my heart and lungs are doing everything for her, but he doesn't feel that we have any reason to be concerned about that.

He then asked us if we wanted to be involved in a special study that Primary Children's was doing with U of U about heart development and heart defect detection. By doing this they took 3D pictures of the baby's heart. He said that the type of ultrasound he was doing would not harm her in any way (I was a little leery because I've heard so many things about 3D ultrasounds) and that it wasn't the same type of 3D ultrasound that is used in shopping malls. It was actually pretty cool to see all the parts of her heart.

Anyway to make a long story short, in spite of my freaking out, everything is looking fine and I'm not as worried. I'm just happy for technology these days, and the ability for doctors to find things sooner and before birth. Everything right now is feeling normal to me (although I don't recall having braxton hicks at all with Braxton) and she is an active little girl.

National Adoption Month

2009-11-10T23:08:00.000-08:00

So November is a month that represents a time of year for being thankful and really rings in the holiday spirit (sorry Halloween but you just don't give that warm, fuzzy, lovey feeling that Thanksgiving and Christmas bring in), but November also represents something very special to me. November is National Adoption month, and many newspapers in Utah and Idaho take a section out of their paper at least once a month (or more than that, if they're like the Herald Journal) to dedicate it to adoption. Now a days everything has a ribbon (you know the yellow ribbon for the soldiers, the pink ribbon for breast cancer) well adoption also has a ribbon. It is the white ribbon. I have started my "adoption awareness" advocacy for this month. I have written an article to be published in one of the newspapers, I am going to participate in a adoption panel (where birth mothers are asked to speak to people about their experience with adoption. I will be speaking at a class that couples that are planning on adopting take), and I am also part of an online blog. If you would like to see this blog, click here. Kyle and I also plan on joining FSA (Families Supporting Adoption) this month, and I'm hoping to become a lot more active. Anyone can join FSA, so if you're interested, go ahead and join.

It was also two years ago in November that I decided to place Braxton with his amazing family. I can't believe that two years have gone by, and that I have survived it. I love seeing how big he is getting and sometimes can't believe that he'll be a big 2 in just a few months. I am so thankful for him and for his family. I have so many friends that have also placed babies, that the couple that adopted their baby didn't keep promises that were made, and don't allow the birthmoms much contact, if any. I know that to each their own, but it is really hard to see girls struggle when they were promised something much more open than they are receiving. I am so thankful that Braxton's family is understanding, and caring, and give me information about him and pictures of him. It has really helped me these past two years. I am also thankful to have a husband that is so understanding about my past, and has about as much love for Braxton as I do. It is a real help to have him there to support me.

Our first fall and Halloween

2009-10-31T00:13:00.000-07:00

This is our first fall and Halloween as a married couple (obviously). I am going to try to be better about taking pictures and blogging (as much as Kyle is not liking his picture being taken all the time). Earlier this week we went to a corn maze and a pumpkin patch. It was kindof cold but fun. We even bought a decent size pumpkin.

Later in the week I went to a potluck so I decided to make a pumpkin cheesecake with a brownie crust. It is really yummy. If you would like the recipe, go here.

We baked the seeds from our pumpkin tonight while we (he) carved it.

And here is our cute (actually kinda creepy) jack-o-lantern.

And jut to finish up, I'm going to try to start decorating for every holiday, so here are some of my Halloween decorations.

If you can't tell what the last picture is, it's a black boa thing with purple bats and then little ghost lights.

So we went to the doctor this morning...

2009-10-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

And found out that we are having a girl! It's not 100% accurate, but looks very very likely. We're extremely excited. Here are some pictures of her feet, and of course, her.

18 Weeks

2009-10-15T15:50:00.000-07:00

This is what I look like recently. Luckily I am able to cover it up better when I'm in public, but at home, not wearing as much support on my belly, this is it.

Good Song

2009-10-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

This is a really good song. I did cut some parts out of it, cus it's from a musical, but I wanted to post something. Read all of it because it kinda has a twist on the thought at the end.

Thank Goodness

from Wicked

(intro skipped)

We couldn't be happier, right dear?

Couldn't be happier, right here.

Look what we've got, a fairy tale plot.

Our very own happy ending

Where we couldn't be happier, true, dear?

Couldn't be happier, and we're happy to share

Our ending vicariously with all of you.

He couldn't look handsomer.

I couldn't feel humbler.

We couldn't be happier.

Because happy is what happens

When all your dreams come true.

(slight skip here also)

That's why, I couldn't be happier.

No, couldn't be happier though it is,

I admit, the tiniest bit, unlike I anticipated.

But I couldn't be happier,

Simply, couldn't be happier, well - not simply -

'Cause getting your dreams

It's strange, but it seems

A little - well - complicated

There's a kind of a sort of cost

There's a couple of things get lost

There are bridges you cross

You didn't know you've crossed until you've crossed.

And if that joy, that thrill,

Doesn't thrill you like you think it will

Still - with this perfect finale

The cheers and ballyhoo

Who wouldn't be happier?

So I couldn't be happier.

Because happy is what happens

When all your dreams come true.

Well, isn't it?

Happy is what happens,

When all your dreams come true.

Here Goes

2009-10-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't blogged for a while and I know I need to get pictures of the wedding up but I figured I might as well fill a space with a little something.

We're due March 17, and will find out what we are having on October 21. Any guesses about what the baby might be? There is a poll at the top of the screen if you want to vote.

Week at a Glance

2009-06-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while so I figured I would. My week this week has been pretty simple but full of fun stuff for me.

Monday: I went to work so nothing really new there.

Tuesday: Kyle and I went to Logan for voice lessons. I have been taking them, and since we are in singing in church together on Father's Day my teacher was willing to help us sing together a little better considering we've never done it before.

After voice lessons we went to Willow Park in Logan. If you don't know what Willow Park is, it's sort of a small zoo with mainly birds but some other wild animals as well. We got lost trying to find it (due to my "misunderstanding" Mom's directions). It was nice to just kind of wander around without crowds of people. Of course we both agreed that some time this summer we plan on going to Hogle Zoo and Dinosaur Park.

After that we went and got sushi at a place I've never been to before in Logan. It was really nice, but kind of pricey. Mmmm...sushi....worth it, and then we met my favorite roomie, Callista, and her little brothers and went to the movie Up! It is so cute. We thought about going to the 3D version but because of the lack of time, we decided that 2D would have to be fine.

Wednesday: I didn't do a whole lot this day. On Wednesdays and Thursdays I go to the high school to help with the drill team in the morning. I know it sounds lame, but it gives me a chance to exercise.

Later that evening Mom and I went to Montpelier and met Ralph, ate pizza, and went to the movie Night At The Museum 2. Mom said she liked it better than the first one, although I'm kindof think they were a toss up. I really enjoyed both of them, and the second one is as good as the first.

On the drive home, Mom and I decided to drive down the east side of the lake. About half way, we saw something moving on the road. As we drove past, we saw 4 or 5 baby skunks eating a dead bunny. They were so cute that I made Mom turn around so we could get some pictures of them (but she'll have to post those).

Thursday: Was quite an adventure. I had to bring Nakota to the vet this morning. He was in a carrier but managed to break loose while in Logan canyon. At the vet, we found out that he weighs 14.2 pounds (more than doubled what he weighed three weeks ago at 6.2). After looking him over the vet told me that he is in perfect health, that he is a little chubby but better than he was when she first saw him. At the first appointment she told me that because of his size and weight that she guessed that he would be about 40 pounds when he is full grown. After his check up today she said that she thinks he may be "slightly" larger. She estimates now that he will be around 65-70 pounds. That is a little more than slightly. He's going to be a big puppy.

Tonight Mom and I are going to go to dinner with a friend of mine and her mom. I hope the rest of my week works out as well as it has started. And I'm excited that this weekend AnDe, Zack, Elvis, and Tyson will be coming home.

It's A Change

2009-06-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I got my hair cut. That is about as blunt as I can get. I sat in a chair for two and a half hours while they chopped my hair off. It had grown down just barely past my waist and so I decided that it was time to start growing it out over again.

Nakota does not like the phone....

2009-06-02T18:19:00.000-07:00

Nakota either really hates the phone or he was just informing us to answer it.

Some videos

2009-06-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Here are some videos someone sent to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF01BQAcj8E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz41YxNiHEg

Nakota

2009-05-26T16:35:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted in a while so I thought I'd do a little post on Nakota's fun today. I've been feeling bad about leaving him in his kennel for the past couple of days while I'm at work (also because of this and because of his "babysitter" coming to get him, I'm afraid he's starting to like Kyle more than me) so I decided to take him around with me all day.

First we went to visit Kyle at work where he played in tall grass chasing bugs.

Then we went to visit Mom at work where he just slept and got to lick the left over gravy from Annette's dish. He was so happy about that, and kept trying to "convince" Mom to get him food.

Finally we went to Kyle's house where he was able to go for a canoe ride. Carp must me spawning right now because there were a ton in this shallow swampy area so Kyle and Leo (his little brother) got out of the canoe and were catching them with their hands. Out of curiosity, Kyle put one in the canoe with us to see how Nakota would react. Nakota sniffed it, and patted it with his paw, but when it jumped he made a run to sit as far away from it as possible.

Surprisingly he wasn't completely frightened. When Kyle put the fish back in the water and it started to splash around, curiosity got Nakota. He looked over the edge of the canoe and was whimpering and attempting to jump out. Instead of letting him take a nose dive into chilly water, I got out and set him down by me on the sand and started to walk to deeper water. He whinned a little but then started to swim around and chase the fish with Leo and Kyle.

When Kyle walked out he followed him, and the poor thing was so cold because of the wind and his being wet. He ran to Kyle and was crying trying to get someone to cuddle him. Of course, Kyle had to baby him.

Afterwards, we got home and he slept by me for a good hour and a half or so. Now the poor thing has to face a bath to get all the sand and dirt out of his fur.

Just to Clarify

2009-05-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

It sucks and it's hard to not be engaged anymore but I want to clarify that Kyle and I are still friends and still plan on spending time together, this is more of a taking a step back and making sure this is what we both really want. You will all probably see and hear about him (whether his is a good or bad thing, you can decide). However, we are planning on trying to date a little so if anyone wants to set me up, go for it ;).

Just In Time

2009-05-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

So I am no longer engaged nor am I in a relatinship. Kyle and I broke up but we're going to see how the summer goes and depending on certain things this might change again.

But look who I got just in time. His name is Nakota. He is a husky and a complete doll. He is a really good puppy. My roommate and I are renting a house in Logan in the fall and it does have a yard and kennel. We've already set it up and will be signing the papers in a week or so.

I am still alive

2009-05-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have taken some pictures of myself and they will be posted when I am more sober. The surgery went good, my face is puffy and bruising but I'm good.

Voice Recital

2009-04-19T23:29:00.000-07:00

This is me singing "Where Is Love" from the play Oliver. I have been taking voice lessons this semester and really loved them. I might take private lessons this summer with the same teacher. I know this isn't amazing but it is an accomplishment for me.

Random Tagged

2009-04-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

Tagged to take the 6th picture from the 6th folder on my computer then tag six people.

I tag: Mom, Amanda, Holly, Keri, Trish, Bobbi

2009-04-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

I asked a few pictures taken by other people so I figured I would add them as they get to me. These pictures are from Josh Weston. Thank you.

Prom

2009-04-12T21:37:00.000-07:00

So here are some pictures of prom. We had a really good time. We went rollerblading in Logan and ate at Chili's. The dance was fun too (even though I'm not too keen on going back to the high school). I'll probably post more pictures when I get some.The last picture is my favorite one.

Totally random...but totally funny

2009-04-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

Last night my roommate and I watched Bruce Almighty on TV. That show is actually really funny. I hadn't watched it before because I was told that it was "bad" show, but it really isn't that bad. Then again it's harder for me to classify shows as "bad". Any way, there is one quote at the end of the show that just made me giggle for the longest time. I absolutely loved it and since I'm bored and have nothing to do I thought I would share it.

"Behind every man, there is a woman shaking her head."

Hehe, it makes me giggle.

Might be Cheesy....

2009-04-07T18:38:00.001-07:00

So Kyle is still in high school as we all know, anyway, prom is this friday. Last weekend when I came home there was a cute wooden craft sitting on my bed with blue ribbon wrapped around it and a safety pin holding a note inside (I'll have to get a picture of it). Kyle wrote me this sweet letter about how each object the craft, the ribbon, the safety pin, and the paper he wrote on represented something in our lives now and our future, I absolutely loved it. It was so sweet and yes, I almost cried but I had a friend with me. So how did I answer him?

While he was taking the ACTs saturday morning, I went to his house and filled his car with fake rose petals and left him a note. It told him that there was a rose at the first place we met with his answer on it, but that he had to first go to my house and ask my mom three yes or no questions about the note and the answer. Then after he asked my mom the questions, we gave him a paper with some stories of my life. He had to read these stories and then at Dee's (which is where we met) I had the clerk ask him questions that referred to each of the stories. However, I added a question for her to ask that I didn't put the story on the paper. When she asked him the question, he had this look on his face that he was so confused. He looked at me then looked back at her, so I started to laugh.

After he finished answering the questions (which he was able to answer all of the questions without even having to re-read any of the stories) she handed him the rose. I figured the standard yes or no is boring so I put a scripture instead. Does anyone remember in the Work and the Glory, when Nathan gives Lydia the scripture and she replies to him with a scripture. Well, I used the scripture she used. It's Ruth 1:16

"...Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God, my God;"

I know it's cheesy but I like it. We always do cheesy things, which hey, lets face is more fun than the same old same old.

...and then some

2009-03-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

Kyle's dad also recorded some parts of the play and put them on youtube so either you can go to youtube and look up kyle spuhler beauty and the beast or I have attached links to the videos. I think my video of him singing Me was a little better because I was closer to him and had a little more light.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ7Zgz88gxs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Re9B_238tn0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4vzC-i1lxk

Just For Fun

2009-03-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

Beauty and the Beast

2009-03-22T20:11:00.001-07:00

So here are the pictures of the musical. Kyle did amazing! And it's not just because I'm biased, but he seriously has an incredible voice and really acted out his character very well. He pulled the part of Gaston off really well, and of course, I think he was super hot. I even got used to his little beard thing and kindof started to like it but I'm glad he shaved it off and now just has his goatee.

These are the only pictures I was able to take so if anyone happened to take pictures of him (or parts of the play he was in) I'd really love it if you could please email them to me.

And...I know I probably shouldn't have done this but I recorded him singing one of my favorite songs he does just because it makes me giggle.

Musical week...

2009-03-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

Is finally here. Kyle is excited about it but feeling really nervous (I don't see why he did amazing last year and I've been listening to him sing his songs for the past few months. He's amazing). Keep watching for pictures and updates. I'm super excited to watch him.

Fun Couple Days

2009-03-13T10:43:00.001-07:00

So on Tuesday Mom and I drove down to Delta to watch the girls for Tana. It was so much fun. We made animals out of towels, like they do on Carnival cruises. Mom bought a book on her last cruise. The first few tries were shakey but eventually we were able to make some cute little creatures.

This is Hailey with her first puppy dog.

And here is Kena with her mamma and baby seal.

Here are the final creations. Yes, Mom did these mostly by herself. A bunny rabbit for Bailyn, an elephant for Kena, and a puppy dog for Hailey, each holding cute little Easter eggs.

Now I know I say this alot, but I could possibly be in trouble. Not because I'm buying Disney princess stuff (he's almost gotten used to that) but possibly because I am posting a picture that he didn't even want me to take. His hair is finally long enough to put in a cute little ponytail. Of course since he has curly hair, the ponytail just curled under (he hates that I talk about his curly hair but it's amazing curl. Like perfect curl, haha.). I didn't get a picture of him with his Gaston hair piece in, which makes it look like he has hair almost as long as mine, but trust me I will get a picture tonight while we "experiment". I know how to do his hair for the play but I keep telling him that I want to work on it again just to see if there is a better way to make the hair piece stay in when really I just find it funny. Last night I poofed his bangs majorly. He has enough natural curl that no curling iron is needed, just some gel and a comb.

The pony tail is kind of hard to see. He lives in an old cabin and the lighting in this place is terrible, especially at night.

I suck at bowling

2009-03-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

So this weekend Kyle and his older brother got to witness my complete uncordination with bowling. We went down to Salt Lake City with his family to spend some time for his birthday (which was Monday). It was really fun but I think the high light of it all for me was bowling on Saturday night.

Kyle, Jonathon, and I all decided we weren't ready to settle down for the night, so we went bowling. As we started our first game, those two realized that I was telling the truth when I said I am terrible at bowling. I scored a total of 6 points the first game. The second game I did a little better, although those two thought they were funny by bringing me one of the track things that little kids push the bowling ball down. No I didn't actually use it. I found many different techniques such as sitting on the floor and pushing it, granny style, and backwards granny style. I did get a much better score that game A) because Kyle got me a spare (yes I made him shoot for me) and because I actually hit pins every other time.

As you can tell I'm bored. It's spring break and I am sitting at Mom's house doing laundry and this. I guess I could clean my room but hahaha maybe not.

Happy Birthday and My New Hobby

2009-03-02T13:37:00.000-08:00

First of all Happy Birthday to Kyle and Keenan. I'll be honest and say that I still haven't found something to get Kyle for his birthday, but I probably won't see him until Friday, so hopefully I can find something. The only sad thing is that both of us are sick today. He is recovering much quicker than I am, lucky for him. This picture is from almost two weeks ago when Kyle and I went down to Woodscross High School to see Beauty and the Beast (I know it's not flattering of me). There was actually sun.

And here are some pictures of my most current hobby (or obsession).

Valentine's Day

2009-02-20T10:08:00.000-08:00

Since it seems almost everyone else is doing a Valentine's Day post, I thought I'd better. Here we go.

You would think where we're just engaged (well not just we've been engaged for 5 months now) that we'd be all lovey and what not. Well, not exactly. Kyle ordered me roses which were supposed to be yellow and red, but the yellow ones had a greenish tint to them.

On Valentine's Day I went to the chocolate fesitival in Garden City and got him a little gift set thing which had a bottle of that cider stuff (Martinelli's I think, he loves that stuff) and a bunch of little candies and chocolates.

I went to work (and I worked a double). Kyle came in and ate lunch with me, and then I saw him for a little bit when I got a chance to get away for a little while. And then I went back to work. I got to serve all the other couples that were celebrating (but I guess someone has got to do it). That night Jim served King crab and prime rib, and I walked out of there that night with a to go box of crab, and over $300 in tips, so over all it wasn't too bad.

I went to Kyle's house after that and he had the room some what dark and just a few candles on the table. He (with the help of his mother I'm sure) had made cinnamon rolls and had some on a plate and the bottle of cider I bought him and two of his parents wine glasses out on the table. It was goofy but cute. My body was so sore and tired, and my emotions were raw (which is a story all it's own. Let's just say I didn't get along too well with some of the people I had to work with) so I was just happy to be with someone that I knew was going to try to spoil me just a little. Then he gave me a foot massage and we fell asleep.

That was my Valentine's Day. But it was good and I'm excited. To make up for us not being able to do much then, we are going to Beauty and the Beast at another high school. It's at Woodscross I think. I know thats kindof different since it's a high school play, but since neither of us have money to pay to go to a real play, it'll do just fine.

I Am The Next Madonna

2009-02-17T22:03:00.000-08:00

So there is a story behind this. It isn't just me being random. One night my roommates and I were all kindof bored. We were all in our rooms, listening to our own music. Well, all that know me, know that it isn't hard for me to get hyper and crazy ideas while I'm bored. So I turned up my music as loud as I could (the song like a prayer by madonna) and ran into Callista's room and started to sing it to her. Then I did the moon walk (or my attempt at one) into Kelsey's room and finished the song with her. So Callista and I decided to dress me up in clothes that I owned or found at Ross for really cheap. Hope you enjoyed!

8 Things

2009-02-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

Rules:1. Post rules on the blog 2. Answer the six 8 things questions 3. Tag 8 people and leave them a comment so they know

8 Favorite TV shows
1. American Idol
2. Dancing with the Stars
3. Monster Quest
4. Lost Tapes
5. CSI (all of them)
6. Friends
7. Hells Kitchen
8. Hauntings

8 things I did yesterday
1. Went to Class
2. Ate Lunch with Mom
3. Took A Nap
4. Went to Work
5. Watched A Movie
6. Drove Through Logan Canyon
7. Sang
8. Looked into the Medical Assisting Program at BATC

8 Things I'm looking forward to:
1. Summer
2. Getting Married
3. Finishing School
4. My Birthday
5. Losing Weight
6. Having More Time With Kyle
7. Giving My Roommate her Birthday Present
8. My Tax Return

8 favorite restaurants

1. Sizzler
2. Olive Garden
3. Iggy's
4. Winger's
5. The Black Pearl
6. Ruby Tuesday's
7. Chile's
8. Happy Sushi

8 Things I wish for.

1. That I get married soon (haha)
2. That I finish school
3. Money
4. Braxton's happiness
5. My family's and my happiness
6. That I can make a difference in people's life
7. That Kyle's health stays as good as it is now (considering)
8. That my car will last another year or two

8 people I Tag

1. Holly
2. Piper
3. Ashley
4. Keri
5. Amanda
6. Hillary
7. Terra
8. Candice

Baby of Mine

2009-02-10T11:47:00.000-08:00

I made this video recently. I started it over a week ago but I finally got it as close to my liking as I think it will ever be.

Avon!

2009-02-05T11:42:00.001-08:00

Hey Everyone! How is it going? I just thought I would let you all know that I have started selling Avon! I have attached a link to my "e-Store" but you are welcome to call or email me if you would like to see a catalog. I am really excited about this. I have sent out an email to those who I have your email address. If you know of anyone else that would be interested, let me know, or tell them to contact me. That would be sweet! Love you all, buh bye.

February 1

2009-02-01T12:25:00.001-08:00

A year ago today Braxton was born! He is such a wonderful little boy. Yesterday I was able to see him and I'm amazed at how much he has changed. Once I get the pictures from yesterday put on the computer I will post a recent one just to let everyone see the difference. His hair went from really dark to really blonde. He is trying to walk and its so cute to watch him. He still has just a wimper of a cry, not much different from when he was born. His giggle is so cute.

It's been a hard day and I'm sure Tuesday (a year from when I placed him) will be hard also but I absolutely love this little boy and I love his family. They are deffinantly a part of our family forever. Braxton and his big sister look so much alike and that is only a different confirmation that they were meant to be family. I love Braxton and always will.

Today has been hard but interesting. I had to substitute in the primary today and one little girl (who also happens to be my neighbor in Laketown and was always asking questions about Braxton) stood up to give her little talk during sharing time. The talk (ironically) was about a couple that adopted a baby and the bonds of family. Of course I cried, but it got me thinking about my memories and feelings about my experience. During sacrament meeting I bore my testimony about the love of our Lord and Savior. I was shaking and crying and scared, and I don't really know what I said but I absolutely know that this experience was worth it and I would never consider changing a thing.

And I love this song. It's on my playlist.

You're Gonna Be (Always Loved By Me) - Reba McEntire

Six pounds and nine ounces lookin' up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this, now I know what scared is

Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growin'
And the whole time I'll be knowin

You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees but always loved by me
You're gonna be

I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin'

‘Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you'll have to live with all the choices that you make
So make sure you're always givin'
Way more than you're takin'

You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees but always loved by me
You're gonna be

Someone's everything, you're gonna see
Just what you are to me

You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees but always loved by me
You're gonna be
Always loved by me

Another song (which is also on my playlist) is Your Gaurdian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. This song means alot to me because every time I was having a rough day while I was pregnant, especially after I decided to place, I would sing this song (yes literally sing out loud) to my belly (Braxton) and some what myself.

Shhh...I'm in trouble

2009-01-29T10:05:00.000-08:00

Ok I know I'm not married yet, but don't tell Kyle I've discovered an amazing store online (yes yes it's been around forever but the other day was the first time I ever visited it). THE DISNEY STORE ROCKS! They have Beauty and the Beast stuff, woot woot! He is already upset with me about the wedding Belle barbie and the wedding Ken. We just need to color a goatee on him. I bought them for our wedding. Jk, I don't know if I'll actually use it, but if I do it'll probably be by the signature book or something haha. Kyle thinks I'm crazy but I figure if he's making me wait, he should know that my mind can get pretty creative ;)!

Belle has always been my favorite princess but I grew out of it in middle school but once I moved to college that changed. Even before I found out that the high school was doing Beauty and the Beast for their play this year, my roommate started me on a Beauty and the Beast kick. If you think I'm bad, you should see her room. She loves Beauty and the Beast and well, it has rubbed off on me (of course the music and Kyle's enthusiasm for the play hasn't helped either ;) )

Anyway, Callista's (my best roommate buddy) 20th birthday is February 12, so I thought I would get her something special. What do you think?

I even had to get myself one. They're engraved and I love them. I'm waiting in anticipation for them to arrive in the mail.

Oh, by the way, the Hallmark store in Logan (not the one in the mall but on Main street) has tons of Belle (and other princess) figurines. I bet Kyle will be happy when I'm done with school and start working more so that I'll have less free time to shop and look for Disney princess stuff.

So Bored

2009-01-23T12:35:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting in my room and bored so I thought I would post some pictures. Haha, I am a very camera happy person so I have a lot of self portraits. But ya anyway, haha here goes.

Leaving the TV on and tax collectors

2009-01-20T12:29:00.000-08:00

So before I get started (because I know you are all curious due to the title of this blog) I just want to say that I am loving college and was so happy to get back here after the long break. I loved seeing my family but I like being here and feeling like I'm being productive. Besides, my roomate and I absolutely have the best times together.

Last night we were sitting in our front room making dinner and we were talking about a building party that is supposed to be held tonight. We felt some what in a delema because we both really want to watch American Idol (Salt Lake City baby) but the last building party we missed, we really hurt our RA's feelings by not being there because I guess, she likes the girls in our room and wants us to be more active within the social life of the building or something. Anyway Callista came up with a "wonderful" idea. I will quote this to the best of my memory.

"We'll turn off the lights and pretend like no one is home." She said.
"Ok sounds good...what if they knock after American Idol starts?" I ask.
"Well the tv will be on, we just won't answer the door. People do it all the time."
"Ya to tax collectors."

Being me, I assumed she meant that people avoid answering the door all the time.
Callista looked at me like I was crazy for a minute and then she started to laugh. She shook her head and kept looking at me like I had issues or something. Finally she was nice enough to clarify for me, but obviously I was confused by her reaction.

"I meant leave the tv on when they're not home."

Yes we have some good laughs most of the time, but of course, this might be a had to have been there situation.

Wedding Changes

2009-01-11T09:56:00.000-08:00

So just to let you all know the wedding date has been postponed. We are not certain on a new date but I will be sure to inform you all when we are certain. If you have any questions you can email me. TTYL

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everybody! I hope this year brings good luck and happiness to everyone! I know that was cheesy but whatever. So here is my list of goals for 2008 and my list of accomplishments of 2008. Woohoo I finally get to start new lists!

2008 Goals!
Learn how to play guitar (done)
Learn how to snowboard (2009)
Start skiing again (2009)
Finish my recipe book (slightly done)
Learn how to cook (done)
Smile more (done)
Make new friends (done)
Be nicer to more people(done)
Scrapbook more (so I kindof failed at this one)
Take more pictures (done)
Write more (done)
Try something new (done)
Start college (done)
Graduate from high school (done)

2008 Accomplishments
Learned to drive a standard!
Learned to play guitar!
Got engaged!
Started college!
Moved into my apartment!
Went on a cruise!
Graduated from high school!
Received a full tuition scholarship!
Sterling Scholar for Family & Consumer Science!
Learned how to play golf!
Went to prom with my crush of 13 years!
Went on my first date!
Got accepted USU!
Had Braxton!

Bored Bored Bored

2008-12-19T13:28:00.000-08:00

You know I was so excited to be done with finals but now I'm wishing I was back in school. I have sat around the house so bored these past few days I'm about to go crazy. Kyle left on Thursday and is going to Denver and then New Mexico for Christmas and won't be back until the 27 or 28. Of course I'm thinking to myself, wow has my social spectrum really dropped so low that he is one of my only sources of entertainment or conversation. I have had time to work on a blanket I am crocheting and practice my guitar more but seriously, my life is blah. I am even almost excited to go to work. Hence the almost word. I have spent some of the days searching for a job in Logan (what a joke). So if anyone can give me an idea of what I can do please help a poor girl out? Or any job searching advice?

Weekend Fun

2008-12-15T15:08:00.000-08:00

First of all I get married in exactly 7 months from today. Woohoo! Lol.

So anyway this weekend was pretty fun. On Saturday morning Kyle, Mom, and I all got ready to go to Salt Lake. Once we got there we hung out at AnDe and Zack's and played with their new puppy. Kyle and Elvis got along amazingly well.

After that we all went to a little party shop and played around in there and looked at wedding stuff. Yes, this will become one of the stores that Mom, AnDe, and I go shopping for wedding stuff at.

We went to the Macoroni Grill to eat and then went to Temple Square.

On Sunday morning or better yet Sunday afternoon we went to church to hear AnDe and Zack speak. They both did a very good job, and I quite enjoyed it. The drive home wasn't as long because it wasn't snowing and the roads were pretty clear.

Christmas time....ya or na?

2008-12-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

I don't know why but for me Christmas has never been an overly exciting time. I sometimes feel that it is an overly exaggerated time to spend money and that all the meaning of it got lost somewhere in the ribbons and paper. Not that I'm totally anti-Christmas, because I do enjoy being with my family and not having to be in school.

For some reason this Christmas season hasn't been easy for me. It started about the week before Thanksgiving and hasn't improved. The night of the Forgotten Carols (which I absolutely love that play and plan on going in the years to follow) I did really well until she sang the song "Mary Let Me Hold Her Baby" (which I didn't do too well during that song last year either). Luckily I had Kyle there who instinctivly I think because he knows how emotional I've been about babies and stuff lately, put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me as far over to him as he could. The rest of the night I gripped his hand and tried to keep control of my emotions.

I've tried to alot but sometimes I can't. I know no one really understands or knows how to help me, and I'm just praying that I make it through February. Maybe after that I'll be ok. It's even gotten to the point that, not every time, but quite a few times when I hear the song "Breath of Heaven" I start to cry. I know the song is about Mary, but there are so many lines in that song that link to how I feel, and how I felt last year.

This will be Braxton first Christmas. I can't believe he's almost a year old. I know undoubtably that I made the right decision for him, but it's been a rough road. Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, and Socially, I've had to change or have had struggles. Granted all people go through this in one stage in their life or another. I used to love going to group but now it's turned into being all about the pregnant girls, and those of us that have already placed are pushed to the side and not asked about how we are doing, which I know seems like a minor thing but when that's the only place any of us can go to talk to people who understand how we feel, it's hard.

I'm sure it hasn't helped that I'm not a very open person any more. I don't want to interfere on anyone else's life, offend/hurt them, or share too much. So in advance I'm sorry if I've done any of these things by posting this blog.

Crazy Night

2008-12-10T09:21:00.001-08:00

So the other night me and some of my roomies went on a coloring book picture adventure. We needed a break from the studying and paper writing. We finally found our coloring books and crayons after visiting 3 stores. We went to Smith's, Albertson's, and finally the dreaded Wal-Mart. We stoped along the way for chicken nuggets.

She has got me started on a Disney Princess obsession.

64 wonderful colors to make all our coloring dreams come true!

Blast to the Past

2008-12-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

The other night my roomate, a friend of ours, and I were talking about how much we have changed over the years. I thought about how in my four years of high school I went through some big changes. I thought I'd do a picture re-cap of those four years. Of course, some of these pictures don't quite explain everything, but that's ok because I have found some pictures that I'd rather get rid.

I was a cute little girl I think, haha, so I had to start with this.

Ok, so my freshman year I was more quiet and naive. I didn't exactly catch on, and maybe that would have been better to stay that way.

My sophomore year I had that whole wanna be bad girl.

My junior year I lost alot of weight as you will see in the last picture of my junior year segment. This was my social year. I would talk to, and hang out with about anyone. My junior and sophomore years were my...well, worst.

And my senior year. Yes Yes I was pregnant for most of it, but I did a lot better in school (almost straight A's just to brag a little) and I had a much better social life.

And now I've reached college, but I don't have very many pictures of me put on the computer yet. It's crazy how time flies and things change.

Little Princesses

2008-12-02T13:27:00.001-08:00

You know what I miss? Disney princesses and being little. I remember growing up that it wasn't rare to pretend like me and my friends were princesses. Belle was by far my favorite (maybe is was the hair or the attitude but I always wanted to be Belle), and then Jasmine. That is one of my regrets from high school, is that I never got a yellow prom dress like Belle's. Well, I have to go to Kyle's senior ball (I know....sick, haha) so maybe I'll find someone that has a yellow dress and see if I can borrow it. Haha, I know I'm having one of those crazy I hate being an adult, I wish was a kid again moment. If your a girl (or guys I guess if you had a favorite) which princess was/is your favorite?

I just can't wait to have daughters so that maybe I can relive those wonderful days again, haha. And yes, the song Beauty and the Beast will probably be either on our wedding video, or play at least once at our reception. Haha, I love that song. Too bad he's Gaston in the play, and not the Beast, but that's ok, I've always had a thing for the bad guy.

Stupid Money, Stupid Meal Plan

2008-12-01T13:09:00.000-08:00

Now before I even start on my newest rant, know that I am not angry or aggressive yet, just frustrated. Here are my reasons why:

1. I worked 3 jobs this summer and saved a ton of money so that I could pay for my housing and everything else I may need this year by myself. I am pretty stingy about my spending, and try to watch where my money is going but because of not being able to find a job in Logan, and because I have stupid extra payments (that'll come in point 2) my bank account is dwindling. I am still working at Bodean's on the weekends, because jobs in Logan that will work with my class schedule are nearly impossible to find. Ugh...I hate cheap people but it looks like I am about to have to turn into.

2. Stupid meal plan! Yes this is where most of my money is being wasted. I have to spend $800 a semester for 7 meals a week on campus. Guess what! I did the math and realized I am spending more money on the meal plan than I would be if I just bought a meal everyday with my own money. They're charging me like 40 cents more a day, but they are requiring a meal plan to live on campus because "college students don't eat appropriately and have a high anerexia rate". Ugh, so what don't take it out on those of us that obviously do eat.

I really don't want to have to take out student loans but it's looking like I'm going to have to because money doesn't exist for me. Can anyone tell me why I'd be excited for my tax return. I can list why! I worked four jobs within the space of the last year, one all year long, two all summer long, and one a few months. Of course, I won't get that until the spring time...ugh!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T10:35:00.001-08:00

So yesterday was Kyle and my first Thanksgiving together, and trying to include both families. First thing in the morning, we went running with his dad up the road from their house and then down to the beach. It was fun, but I realized how the alitude is so much different at Bear Lake than it is over in Logan, plus I'm used to running inside. Next we lifted for a little while. Luckily I have my own dumbbells and lifted away from those two because I know John (Kyle's dad) would have teased me a little. It's ok though because I passed both of them up on flexibility when we were stretching. I went inside and helped Melissa (Kyle's mom) with mixing and making stuff while Kyle was in the shower.

Next we went to mom's house and had our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. It was way yummy. We of course had the traditional sprite and cranberry juice and also cranberry sauce in the shape of the can. AnDe and Zack were there also, with us, Mom, and Ralph. During dinner Tyson called, so we passed the phone around the table and everyone got a turn to talk to him (in spite of Kyle trying to convince me not to give him the phone). After dinner us girls and Ralph sat in the front room listening to the first Christmas music of the year (well, kindof Kyle's family has been listening to it since October), while Kyle and Zack went on a four wheeler ride.

After Kyle got back we headed to his house. Woohoo, I'm actually driving and shifting a little smoother although I still kill it when I try to reverse (stupid clutch). When we got to his house, it was 3:30 and Melissa said that dinner would be ready in about an hour, so we decided we'd take a nap. We fell asleep looking out the window in their front room at the lake. It was the perfect day to take a picture of the beach, but of course I was too tired to get my camera, so I just told him that some time we'd have to have our picture taken down in front of the lake on a day like. We both fell asleep quickly, and it felt like a short time, but we woke up at about quarter to 6. Apparently, Kyle had been snoring really bad (I didn't even notice), his little brother had been in and out slaming the door and Melissa had been talking on the phone really loudly but we slept through it all. Dinner was really good, but neither of us could eat much because of our previous meal.

After dinner Mom, Ralph, AnDe, and Zack came to his house and we all (including some friends of his parents that drove up from Denver) played games. First we played Catch Phrase, and teamed up boys against girls. Of course, the girls won...well, kindof. Next we played Liers Dice. This game is awesome and if any of you have seen Pirates of the Carribean, you know the game. This is the favorite game at Kyle's house because it brings out so much personality in people. John and I could spend hours just challenging and harrassing each other, and both of harrassing Kyle together.

It was a really nice day. I wish I would have had my camera with me because there were many photo opts. Hopefully next year we'll be able to get some pictures. I'm seriously looking forward to Christmas, and being with the family. And the weather guy lied. He said it was supposed to snow, and it didn't. I'm not much of a snow loving person so I would say woohoo but I am taking a snowboarding class next semester (at Kyle's biding) so I'm not spending that extra money for no reason, haha. Oh well, it'll snow soon.

YA FOR ME!

2008-11-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

I can officially drive a stick shift now. Well, at least Kyle's car. I'm so excited. I know I know, some of you are saying "about time" or "It's not that hard" but for me that is a real accomplishment because I had Ralph, Mom, and Mrs. Stuart all try to teach me and with little success. I was able to drive Mrs. Stuart's car eventually but I didn't shift very well on it. I drove all the way to Kyle's house and back home without killing it. I even reversed. I'm excited and if ya'll aren't, I don't care, it's my accomplishment.

7 Things

2008-11-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

Seven things I can do: Listen, Write, Act Goofy, Manage My Money, Take Care of Kids, Argue (yes yes I quite like that trait about myself at times), Plan Ahead

Seven things I can't do: Run, Play Piano, Cook, Curl My Hair, Be Late (well I hate it when I'm late for anything), Stay Serious for very Long, Keep My Focus On Only One Thing (I have to have a few things going on at one time to get anything done)

Seven things that attracted me to Kyle: His Voice (He sings so well), His Scar (I have a thing for scars and that one is awesome), He's Laid Back, His Want For A Large Family, His Sense of Humor, Does Tall Dark and Handsome (at least to me) Mean Anything, The Way He Kisses (yes we kissed before we started dating, haha)

Seven things I say often: Seriously? Awesome Possum (yes Tana I stole that from you), Whatever, I Love You, Like, I'm Not Gonna Lie, I'm Weird

Seven people I admire: My Mom, My Sisters, Pres. Monson, Pres. Hinckley, My Group Girls, My Brothers, Holly & Zach

Seven favorite foods/drink: Vegetables, Salsa, Romon Noodles, Dr. Pepper, Hot Chocolate, Fruit, Pasta

Seven people I tag: Mom, Trish, Tana, Erin, AnDe, Lisa N., Lisa B., Anyone else

"Placement"

2008-11-20T11:06:00.000-08:00

This part of the story may be shorter because it's a little hazy to me. I can't believe that this happened just over nine months ago.

The snow continued to fall up until Sunday. Bro. Hull came and saw me right before we left the hospital. We sat there forever waiting for a nurse to release me. When the time finally came, we walked down the stairs and out the hospital door. When we got to the family service office, I was all but crying and as soon as I walked through the door the tears started. I sat off to the side and my case worker was a sweet heart because she had everyone there say something. I wanted to be able to talk when she told me to tell them about Braxton. But I couldn't control the tears. Finally she took me, my parents, and the couple into the back room to do the final placement.

Sitting in that room was difficult. There were tons of pictures taken, and tons of tears. I tried to control myself (as I've mentioned before I don't cry in front of other people very well). When my case worker told me it was time to leave. I kept myself composed as I gave one more hug to the couple and little kiss to Braxton. We walked down the hall and out the door. My mom kept her arm around me. Instead of picking up some of my stuff, I walked straight for the door and the car sitting outside. I let my mom get my stuff which I know was wrong, but I was so emotionally raw that doing anything was almost beyond my means. I climb into the passenger seat of the car and finally let it go. This was the terrible wailing sobs. The kind that they would never show in hollywood movies, because it was just the really miserable tears.

After leaving, my parents, and I went to eat with Shane. I could barely taste the food or focus on the conversation. I sat there.

How can life go on like normal now? I can't go back to school. I've gotten used to be the pregnant one, now I'm nothing again.

After that we drove home and since it was Superbowl Sunday, I told my mom that I didn't want to go home, so we went to Erin's to watch the game. Of course we had pictures to show. All I could do again was sit there. I tried to act normal, tried to talk normal. I watched my mom look through the pictures, and one of my neices stood her. Erin's family saw the most of me when I was pregnant aside from my parents and AnDe.
Tailor watched over my mom's shoulder and then whispered to her, "Is that Shanna's baby?" I tried not to start crying again.

I guess that game was pretty good, but I couldn't help but fall asleep. Tyrel had to give me a hard time about falling asleep but luckily I had other women there that knew how exhausting it is to have a child so they backed me up.

The next few months were not easy. For the first two weeks I cried every night before I went to bed. Eventually I went back to school which wasn't the easiest thing to do. There were many good friends there, but also many people who had negative things to say to and about me.

Finally about March, I started to try to live a normal high school life. I helped with the musical, doing makeup and running the lights, and then after that joined the golf team. I started to hang out with some new friends. Of course, some how Kyle and I started to spend more time together. He reminded me about how we had met in August, because before I really started helping with the musical, I hadn't paid alot of attention to him...I didn't pay alot of attention to anyone. He was in one of my art classes while I was pregnant.

This past year has been bumpy but now it isn't as hard to look back and remember everything. This month is national adoption month so I thought it would be neat to have this finished before the month was over. Braxton is an amazing little boy and I love him so much. He is always smiling, at least when I see him. He's going to grow up knowing how much everyone loved him, and how much love went into bringing him to earth. I will forever have a special place in my heart for him and even down the road when I have my own children, I will never forget that little boy that brought me back to grips with my life before it was too late. If I hadn't gotten pregnant who knows where I'd be. He was almost like the Lord's way of hitting me up side the head and telling me to pull my act together. As I have told my mom millions of times, "Braxton was not a mistake, no baby is, they just came at an unplanned time." He wasn't planned by me, but I'm sure glad someone else planned him to come when he did.

"Hospital"

2008-11-18T14:52:00.000-08:00

My birthing story (I guess that's what I'll call it) kind of makes me giggle. On Wednesday night, my mom and I were in Logan and I was doing what I could to put myself into labor. I was drinking the raspberry ice tea. Walking (all though I was walking all the time anyway). I was huge, tired, sore, and some what miserable. It wasn't that I didn't want to be pregnant any longer because of him because I absolute miss being pregnant at times, but ugh, carrying all that weight around. Of course, I went to bed that night, no baby.

The next morning I went to the doctor and she told me that I was about 80% ephased and dialated 2 cm. She said that if I didn't have him soon, that she'd start me on Tuesday.

Great Emily is supposed to get started on Tuesday. I wanted him early but that won't that be awkward to know that we had our babies the same day. A brother and sister born on the same day but not twins. I can't deal with that.

Of course I prayed that he'd be born before tuesday because emotionally I didn't think I could deal with that. Later that day, AnDe had a doctors appointment to get something removed from her finger. While at her appointment I started to feel funny. Not sick, or in pain, just weird. I was slightly light headed, and there was a slight weird pulsing in my back.

Just my muscles saying enough.

After leaving there, AnDe all but passed out so we drove to Cold Stones and got her some icecream and I had to drive her car home. While standing in line waiting to get icecream, the tensing continued, but it was so dull that I hardly noticed it.

During the drive home, I felt weird. Just not normal. I figured it was because I was tired. They said that there was supposed to be a storm that night and every other storm I had had slight contractions but nothing that caused me to be concerned. I didn't bother to think about it. We got home and my mom and I went to work. While at work the tensing moved from my back towards my front. It didn't hurt all that bad, but it just wasn't comfortable. I told my mom as we watched the snow flying outside and she got a funny look on her face.

"How often?"

"Oh I guess about every 14 minutes."

By the end of the shift I was feeling them at a steady 11 minutes and my mom decided that I was in labor.

Wow movies totally over exagerate this. It hardly hurts at all.

My bosses kept telling us that we couldn't drive through the canyon so finally I told them that if they weren't going to let us go then I'd go to their house and have this baby on their bed or couch.

We went home and got all of our stuff. Luckily my bags were still packed because we had stayed at my brother's house the night before. We told AnDe, and in her excitment (I suppose) she tripped running up the floor. As much as I wanted to have a good laugh, when I tried, my stomach tensed up a little more. The drive to the hospital was a long one. Longer than most of the time because of the storm. Right before we got to the canyon we saw blue and red flashing lights.

Oh no the canyon is closed. Please, don't let the canyon be closed.

Luckily it was just an officer warning that there was an elk on the side of the road trying to jump the fence. We made our way through the canyon slowly, but not as slow as other vehicles. When we got to the hospital my contractions were still 11 minutes apart, I thought anyway. They hooked me up to the monitors and we found out that my contractions were every 2-3 minutes apart. I wasn't going any where. We made it there about 10:30. I lay in that bed for so long. I wasn't feeling the contractions very much when they asked me if I wanted the epideral but I said yes anyway because I was not looking forward to the pain to come.

At about 4:45 in the morning I felt and intense amount of pressure and told my step-dad to go tell a nurse. She came in to check me, even though she had only left a few minutes before and said that she would get my doctor. At about 5:00 it was time to start pushing. I was scared, and my mind was racing.

Why does his heart rate keeping dropping. What is going on?

"You need to breathe. The oxygen isn't getting to him."

Eventually they had to put on oxygen mask on me and I continued pushing.

Finally at 5:20 he was here. He looked so perfect. His head was cone shaped too bad, and he didn't have bruises or anything. He had the perfect head of dark hair and big eyes. He hardly even cried which I don't know if it was good or bad, but the whole time we were in the hospital he hardly cried.

I couldn't help the feeling of happiness and sadness that filled me. I couldn't stop all the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

Why do I have to do this? I can be his mom, I can take care of him. He's mine, but I'm not ready to do this alone.

Later that day I called the couple. They took him from me to do checks on him while I was recovering so I got a few hours of sleep but not a whole lot. I talked to Holly and she asked me if I was sure if this was what I wanted to do.

"Yes, it is. Please come when you can."

They were kind enough to give me that day with him, and my doctor was kind enough to give me an extra day in the hospital to stay with him. I hardly ever let him leave.

The next day, was crazy but exciting. I signed the papers first thing in the morning. I didn't cry all the way through it until after everyone left, and then I broke down. I hadn't felt anything this agonizing up until that point. Although the next day, I knew would be even harder.

This is it. It's over. He's not mine anymore.

There were so many people in the room. How we were allowed to have that many people there, I will never know, but so many of my friends and family came to see me. The final visitor that evening shocked me however. I sat there about ready to eat and waiting for Zach and Holly to come in. I'd seen them once that day, but they had left to go to their room and get their little girl settled. I held the little boy (we were calling him Stetson at the point because we thought that was what his name was going to be) and fed him while I ate my food as well. There was a slight knock on the door and then someone walked through the door.

Chris stood in the door way awkwardly. The most I could really do was shrug my shoulders.

"Here he is." I said, and motioned the baby towards him. He came over and picked him up. He looked so uncomfortable and about as scared. He sat down and kept talking to him and watching him.

"Are they good people?" was all he really asked me, aside from small talk.

"Yes, they are."

Not long after he got there my brother (dressed in his Highway Patrol uniform) walked in, followed by Zach and Holly. They talked with both of us, and then discussed names.

"We've been thinking, and would Braxton be ok?"

Braxton? But, I thought....he looks like a Braxton.

"Ya, Braxton works."

Chris talked with them but hardly ever took his eyes off of Braxton.

After everyone left, that night was the longest and hardest one I had. The nurse took Braxton and promised to bring him back as soon as they were done doing checkups on him. Two in the morning rolled around and he still hadn't been brought back. I called one of the nurses and told her I wanted him in my room with me.

Don't they understand this is my last night with him as mine. Well kindof, I signed the papers today, but still he's mine right now.

They brought him in and immediantly I picked him up into bed with me. That was the first and only night that I slept with him in my arms. I had been so scared all the other nights that I would drop him and roll on top of him, but as the sun started to shine into the room, I woke to find him perfectly fine, laying there with me.

While my mom was in the shower that morning, a nurse that I'd never seen before came in. All my bags were packed, and I sat on the bench by the window holding Braxton, crying. She came and sat by me, and asked if I was ok. I told her I was, but that it was just hard. She said that she had read on my records that I was placing my baby and then she proceeded to tell me about how she had adopted children and how amazing she thought it was. She wasn't there very long, but she was a great comfort to me. I sat there a little longer, holding him, crying, and praying.

He will always be part of me. No matter what he will always be part of mine.

"Time Flies"

2008-11-17T08:57:00.000-08:00

After meeting this young couple, time started fly even faster. It got cold really fast, and winter made itself present by all the snow. Christmas went past, and I grew. I was hardly even showing until I was about 6 1/2 months or 7 months along. I had completely changed my group of friends and my personality. Every morning on the bus, Casey would save a spot for me by him, and if someone was sitting by him, I would move up by Kyle. I had few friends, but they were enough for me.

One day in mid-January, I was at work and had just had a hormonal day I guess you would call it. I was tired, and sore, sick of working, and sore. He was growing all in front of me, and I was carrying him low. With all the storms he seemed to get lower and lower, and move further and further out in front. I came to work onery and snapped and barked at everyone. Cindy told me to go sit in her office until I could calm down. I was so emotional.

Why now? It's been seven months. Why? I had everything figured out.

A few weeks later Pres. Hinkley passed away and that night I lost all hope of being able to do what I had planned. I posted about this about a month ago. Here is a link to that post.

I will post about the actual hospital stay and the placement.

Meeting

2008-11-14T11:50:00.000-08:00

The next few days went by and I was waiting for a phone call. I even asked my principal and teachers for permission to keep my phone on so that if I got a call from my case worker or the couple, I'd be able to answer. Now a side note my principal was adopted as an infant, and two of my favorite teachers (Mr. K and Mrs. S) were both an amazing support to me through out this experience. One day my phone was buzzing so I jumped up from my class and ran into the office so I could use my phone. It was my case worker, she was wondering if I wanted to have a face to face meeting with the couple. My heart was pounding so hard. I told her I did thinking that I had a couple of days, but then she asked if the day after tomorrow would be fine, since she knew I'd be over there anyway.
"Ya, that's fine." I said and then I thanked her and hung up. I quickly used the school phone (cell phone service is terrible at that high school) to call my mom. I was exstatic but also scared to death.
What were they going to think of me? I'm huge, it's going to be so hard to make myself look decent. Oh wow, this is really happening.
The next day flew by and before I knew it, I was in the car driving towards where we were going to meet. All the time my head was spinning, but I couldn't stop chattering. I'm sure my mom was ready to tell me to shut up. (I'm sure every time her and I are together she wants to tell me to shut up. Sorry, mom you are one of the few friends I have so I love talking to you.)
We got there and it was a beautiful day. I walked inside, although I don't know how, my legs were shaking so bad. I found my way down the hall to the room that I had become so familiar with because I had been going to group meetings there. We opened the door and went and sat on the couch. Now I don't remember if they were already there or if they came in after us. (someone correct me...;) )We hugged and it almost felt like we knew each other from some where already. My mom and I even swore that we had seen him some where before, and even a close family friend said that he looked really familiar to her. I guess we'll neverknow. Anyway, when we finally met, I was so over come with emotion, but I have a hard time crying in front of people, so I just started to stumble with my words. They had the cutest little gift basket for me. All I had were ultrasound pictures for them. If I remember right, they hadn't even received the announcement or letter I had sent them yet.
We talked about how open our adoption would be, names slightly, and exchanged email addresses and phone numbers. It was the funnest and one of the happiest moments surprisingly of my senior year. After we left my mom and I went and got lunch. I was overly anxious still. I couldn't stop shaking or chattering.
This is it. You can't back at now. No matter how hard it gets, you can do this. These are the people. Please don't back out. Prove people wrong. Don't back out.

"Decisions Decisons"

2008-11-13T13:14:00.000-08:00

So there I was with a piece of paper, asked to write down what I wanted in a parent for my child.
Hmmm...what do I want? Well, anything but me. Active, outdoor type, easy going, good natured, happy, like animals, financial stable, preferably a stay at home mom.
"What kind of things do you want your child doing as he gets older?"
Maybe rodeo or other sports, spending lots of time with his family.
"Do you care if they have kids?"
Well, no not really. 0-2, I guess. Closer to 1 or none though.
Next came the paper work about me, and the "birth father". Medical records (both mine, his, and our families), Appearance (both mine, his, and our families), Career/Education (mine, his, and our families), Habits/Past Use *drugs, alcohol, tobacco, etc.* (mine, his, and our families), and Emotional History (mine, his, and our families). Does anyone see the problem with some of this. I could tell about his Appearance, some of his medical records, his education, and his habits/past use, but only some of all of this. I was proud and scared, so I didn't dare try to contact him. I did get some information from his mother but not a lot. This little survey list thingy made me feel weird. I was showing all of my own personal information to someone I barely knew.
Will anyone actually want to adopt my child if they know I have had depression? Will they want him after they know it's likely he'll be color blind? Ugh there are so many things on here that just don't look good.
The next week they had me a stack of profiles of couples looking to adopt. As I start to look through them, I become frustrated How am I supposed to choose one. Come on. My mom and sister stand near me, looking through the stack also.
"They look nice."
"Oh look at this one..."
Maybe I'm not supposed to do this. Don't they say that if your faced with confusion sometimes that is the answer to your prayers?
I prayed alot through the few weeks, but still couldn't quite choose one profile. It came down to two couples. Both were young and looked awesome, but something about the one just kept jumping out to me. The little girl in the pictures with the big blue eyes. She was gorgeous, and they looked wonderful. But I am a complex person and didn't take anything as a sign. Finally one day while going to meet with my case worker I prayed and said, "Please, make it obvious to me which couple I am supposed to choose. If not then help me feel comforted by keeping this little guy. I can't deal with this anymore."
The entire hour drive the one profile with the little girl kept sliding out of the stack of the other profiles. None of the other profiles moved, but that one kept sliding away from the bunch.
"Ok, Lord, I get it. Thank you."

"Senior Year Begins"

2008-11-12T22:07:00.000-08:00

My heart pounded and my stomach ached. It was nearly 8 in the morning (I had been at drill team practice since 6). The whole drill team knew that I was pregnant at this point, and most were pretty nice about the whole thing. I saw the principal standing in the door way and my coach was keeping her eyes on me.

Oh no what are they thinking? Maybe I can sneak out the back door.

As soon as practice had ended I made a quick pace towards the back doors of the gym acting like I needed to throw up, but he caught up to me before I even reached the doors.

"Hey, we need to talk. Can you come to my office for a minute?"

"Well, you know I'm not feeling so good today and I need to get back to work." (not a total lie, I worked at 2 and I was feeling sick because I knew what was coming.)

"It won't take to long if we do this now."

I slowly followed him, and my coach fell in behind me and we all walked into his office (a place, that if any of you know me well, know was not unfamiliar territory to me). I sat on one of his swirly chairs. I was tense, sitting straight up but trying to act like nothing was going on.

"So how are you?" he asked.

Oh come on, I know you know. A) your my principal B) your in the bishopric

"Oh you know pretty good. Just work and school now, haha. Just living life."

Why is she just staring at me. Your my coach aren't you supposed to act the least bit concerned.

"We've heard some rumors about you," he said leaning forward on his desk, "Do you know what I'm talking about?"

"Oh come on, when aren't there rumors about me."

"Are you pregnant?"

Oh no that sick can't say anything feeling again. Oh please pull it together since when did I become an emotional wimp. I can lie...I'm good at that.

All I did was shrug my shoulders.

"Well, according to state code we are not allowed to let you dance anymore. You can help manage but..."

"Woah, according to state code I am allowed to dance with a doctors release saying that I'm not causing harm to the baby."

"So you are pregnant."

"You already knew it, so why should I lie."

"Hasn't stopped you before."

Oh thanks, such support. I've already had my heart and trust destroyed by one person this summer, please don't push your luck and finish me off.

"Whatever."

I stood up and walked out of the room.

"We just want to talk about this with you." my coach said.

Ya about time you open your mouth.

"I have to get to work. Unlike most people my age I have a lot to think about right now, and a lot of things to prepare for."

"You know we can't let you dance."

Tears were burning my eyes. I had nothing majorly personal against either one of them but it just felt like everything was falling away from me. My life was slowly fading into something I didn't know.

"Ya I know, but I do need to go."

Instead of going straight to work, I drove to my home town and up to the cementary. I walked slowly up the hill to where my dad was. I always found comfort there and always go to that place when my head is full of confusing thoughts.

What am I going to do. This would be different if you were here, dad. I wouldn't have turned out this way...I don't think. What happened to me? I just wanted to feel normal, special, like someone saw something in me, now look at me. I'm nothing...the way I've always been.

A warm comforting feeling fell around me. These feeling would come to me from time to time, especially when I was at the cementary. I slowly drove down to my house, ate, and took a nap.

School started and before I knew it was September, and I was about going to the doctor to find out what I was having. I had started to go to group with other young girls that were either pregnant or had placed their babies for adoption. Of course, I didn't want to admit that I was even considering adoption at that point.

As my mom, my sister and I sat waiting for the ultrasound technitian to come in, my mind spun. I had to go with a full bladder (talk about uncomfortable).

oh please be a girl. Be a girl. I'd handle a girl alot better. You know it's a boy. Of course it's a boy.

"What do you think it is?"

"I want it to be a girl, but it's a boy I'm sure." (I'd had that little conversation mulitple times). As much as I wanted a girl or thought a girl would be amazing, something in me kept saying it's a boy. What a perfect boy. Boys just don't get the credit they deserve.

The technician came in and started. I watched my sister and had to smile. She looked so amazed and sort of happy. Of course, it was better for me to watch her for a bit to keep myself from crying. Those things are so amazing, and see your baby move in you before it is even here is so wonderful.

"So do you want to know the gender?" the technician asked as she scanned over the little body. Even if I didn't want to know one area she scanned to, told me before she even said anything.

"Ya."

"It looks like your having a boy."

A boy! That's so awesome. I can't believe it's a boy! I'm going to love him so much. He's going to be perfect. My little boy...kindof. I just wish I didn't have to admit what I need to do now.

I started to text people telling them, but his reply was the most discouraging but also the answer to my prayers that I'd been having lately.

I went to LDS Family Services that day and talked to my case worker and told her I was ready to start looking at profiles.

Whether it was a boy or girl, my decision wouldn't have changed. It's amazing how you think you want one thing, but when you get something else, it becomes so much better than what you thought you wanted. I couldn't imagine anything better than having a perfect little boy.

"Betrayal"

2008-11-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

*The next part of my story*
After talking with my mom I drove the half hour drive to tell the next hardest person. My stomach felt twisted, my head was spinning with possibilities for the future.
How am I going to finish school?
I called up one of my friend's and had her buy a pregnancy test. I knew that he wouldn't believe me, unless I showed him a test. I went to her house, sobbing, feeling like I wanted to pass out. I took the test, but (since I didn't want to take the test to him) I took a picture of the positive sign with my cell phone. She called him and told him to meet us at the cementary. He drove up and acted all casual, like nothing big was going on. I felt as if something was choking me. I couldn't speak. So I just handed him my cell phone with the picture. His eyes got big and first a glimpse of fear was on his face, and then anger. He handed the phone back,
"Who's test?"
"Mine." I mustered.
"So...who's the father?"
Are you freaking serious. Who's the father? What kind of question is that?!
"Uh, you."
"It's not mine."

Through out the next few months we had small amounts of contact but not a lot, especially towards the end of my pregnancy.

A few weeks later I went to my first doctors appointment. The sound of the baby's heart beat made me cry and also made me know that I'd be able to do this...no matter which way I went. When I looked at the first ultrasound, it only made it harder for me not to cry. This little peanut/gummy bear looking thing was so perfect, even though there was so little to it.

Telling my family was very hard, especially since I called all of my siblings and told them. I am so happy for the support they were considering their stupid baby sister had gotten herself into this situation.

Next hardest was telling my friends that didn't know. One night sitting at the hottub, I sat on the edge (as ya'll know, a dip in the hot tub is a no no when your pregnant.)
"Get in."
"I can't."
"We're going to pull you in." The guys grabbed my arms and started to pull me.
"No guys I really can't."
"Why? You sick?"
"No not exactly."
"Uh, ok?"
"So guess what? I'm pregnant."
My girl friends all looked at me and I could see that they believed me. They guys however, weren't so easily convinced.
"Oh whatever."
"No I really am. I'm due February 18."
"Woah crazy. Are you serious? What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. Chris wants nothing to do with me though."
"Well duh," one of my girl friends said, "he's got a lot of other stuff to take care of."

And thus my journey through the reality of it all began. People knew, I knew and had proof. How was I going to do this. I sat there looking at the ultrasound pictures every night, ready to cry, praying that it wasn't real, it was a dream.
Please, make it a dream.

I Stand All Amazed

2008-11-09T21:47:00.000-08:00

My second favorite hymn.

I Know My Redeemer Lives

2008-11-09T21:42:00.000-08:00

I found this on youtube! Surprisingly there were a lot of different videos but this is my favorite hymn so I thought I would add it.

Copy-cat, Copy-cat

2008-11-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am being a copy-cat and I am going to do similar to what Holly is doing and tell "my story" from a the other side. If I suddenly stop and post something at an awkward spot, or mention something thats a little "shocking" or uncomfortable, I'm sorry. I'm trying to make this as colorful as my mind remembers it was. Remember who I am now, compared to who I was then are deffinantly being displayed here.

Graduation night....pulling an all nighter. (I'm still sorry to everyone that I freaked out and hurt that night. Mainly Mom, Erin, and AnDe).

Late June: I started working two jobs for that summer. Neither of them took much of my "night life" away from me, and even though I was trying to quite what I was doing I really struggled with it. I was sitting on the kitchen floor of one of the rooms I was cleaning at the resort. The heat in the room was making my head spin.
My phone beeped and I read the text, "I'm pregnant."
A sudden urge of nausea, and a quick run to the bathroom. The smell of the cleaning products was so strong. I had just finished throwing up, ugh, what was my problem.
Well, I hadn't been eating much lately....or at all really. I was drinking a bit last night. Ugh, this is terrible.
I made my way back to the kitchen and looked at my phone. A new text message. "It's Chris's".
More nausea. Luckily, there are always trash bags in our cleaning kits.

July 4: Breakfast in Paris, ID. The smell of the eggs and bacon made my head spin. It was lucky that I even crawled out of bed that morning. I had been going to 6 AM drill team practices, I was the assistant mistress, I had to go. I'd run a mile, throw up, doing the warm up, throw up, etc... I lay down in the back of the car and fell asleep but the heat was too much. I'd open the door only to be greeted by the smells.

July 5: The best thing I could do was lay my head on the cool counter top at Dee's. Between the smell of the coffee and the heat, my head and stomach were on edge. Just a few more hours. Luckily, it's not too busy. I go to the back and find a chocolate milk. Weird I don't like milk, it normally makes me sick, but besides for orange juice and crackers it's one of the few things I can keep down. After work, I drive to the clinic.
There is seriously something wrong with me. No one is sick like this for as long as I have been.
I text some of my friends. They've been trying to convince me I'm pregnant, but they're wrong, I'm not.
I can't be, Emily is. I'm not pregnant, I'm not pregnant. If I thought I was was pregnant, wouldn't I have taken a pregnancy test by now. Well, ya....unless I didn't want to admit it to myself. Whatever. I'll get checked and prove myself and them wrong.

"So what are your symptoms?" the nurse lady asks.
"Nausea, always tired, throwing up, you know stuff like that."
"Well, does it last all day, or just during certain parts?"
"The throwing up is only in the morningish time, except when I don't eat, but I'm always tired and heat really bothers me."
"Is there a possibility your pregnant?"
Oh come on, why does everyone think I'm pregnant. Ugh whatver.
"I guess, ya, there's a possibility."
"Can we run a pregnancy test on you?"
"Sure whatever."
La-ti-dah I get to pee in a cup and they get to stick a stick in it. Woo hoo.
I sit in the room. The clock ticking, my heart pounding, my head rushing. *beep* text message: "So are you?"
"Idk"
"You have to let me know".
Ya like this is exciting.
"k".
A little short guy with red hair walks in the room. He's new, I was hoping it'd be DJ.
"So, your pregnant."
"Huh".
"Your pregnant so we need to talk about things you need to do to prepare for all of this, but first let's determine how far along you are." He pulls out a cute little chart thing.
Oh bite me.
"When was your last menstraul period?"
Why do doctors always ask using the word "menstraul", I know what a period is without having to use the big words.
"I don't know some time in May or April?"
"You don't remember when your last period was?"
"I never really kept track of them, they just showed up. I never thought I'd have to."
"Well, since you were sexual active..."
Oh please the "sexual active" speech.
"Do you know who the father is?"
No because I'm a pregnant teenager, I must not know who the father is. Idiot.
"Yes I know who it is."
"Can you tell him?"
"Well considering he's knocked-up another girl, I really doubt it'll make a difference. Are you sure that the test even gave you the right answer?"
"It's nearly impossible to get a false positive on a pregnancy test..."
"I can't be pregnant."
"It says here that you smoke and drink occasionally. I'd suggest you quite those things as soon as you can."
Is he seriously talking about this like it's really happening. Wow, what do they teach them in school.
I get up, ready to leave...
"Would you like us to do an ultrasound? We have a machine here, and by when you think your last period was, we should be able to at least get a heart beat."
"Sure whatever."
He leaves the room.
*beep* "so"
"ya I am"
"Oh that's so cool. Are you excited?"
"Eh"
"Well I think it's exciting."
"Ya, I guess it's cool, don't tell".
He walks back into the room. "Well it looks like the machine is broken but if you want to come in in about a week or two, we can do it then. You do need to start taking prenatals and set up an appointment with a doctor."
Nice, he can't even give me an ultrasound to see or hear the thing.
"K, I'll do that."
"We've got prenatals here if you'd like to buy some today."
"No I've got some at home. I used them for my hair and nails a while back."
I walked out of the building.
Pregnant. Woah, I can't say I planned on this. Goodbye drill team, goodbye senior year, goodbye freakin' life.

I drive home and lay on my mom's bed and wait for her to get home. Might as well tell her. I fall asleep but I hear her steps coming down the hall.
"So what did they say at the clinic?"
The words can't come out. Oh my gosh I can't tell her. She's going to be so upset. I hate making her feel bad. Maybe this is a dream, maybe I can lie and she won't catch on. Oh, come on words get out. Find something to say, anything.
"Your pregnant."
I nod my head that's as much as I can do.
"Well, we'll make it through this."

So Um Ok

2008-11-06T18:11:00.000-08:00

So I am finally getting a hang of the whole simple cooking thing. Yes, yes I know I still haven't learned how to make a fancy meal or anything, but I've started to make roman noodles really creatively so they're not the same old thing everytime.

Today I mixed my chinese vegetables & chicken leftovers with some mushrooms and carrots in a frying pan and then poured those on top of some cooked roman noodles (with no broth). It was actually pretty good. I was quite impressed with myself. Lol.

It's Rain, It's Snow, It's Rain....

2008-11-04T13:23:00.000-08:00

So it was raining...then it was snowing...then it started raining again. Anyway, I left my room this morning only to find that my coat doesn't have a hood. As I turned around to go back inside I realized that I had forgotten my key on my desk. So I trudged to class (about a three or four block walk).

In class all we talked on was basically service. So I've been thinking about different service things I can do. I'm not really a service type person (not that I'm mean but because I'm not an outspoken or an open person very often), but I've decided to give it a try.

Anyway I was going to volunteer at the hospital but they didn't have many opportunities. So now I'm attempting to become a mentor. There is a on campus mentoring program where "a menitor" is paired with a youth (ranging between the ages of 10 and 14). If I'm accepted, I think it will be fun. I only have to spend at least 1-2 hours a week.

UGH

2008-11-02T22:11:00.000-08:00

So I'm just in a downer mood this past month (I know 'get over it' is what I should do) and I have just really been struggling. I don't want to seem all moody and depressing or whatever but I really need some help.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can start to feel more 'up' naturally. I'm probably starting counceling again but I really don't want to be put on anti-depressents again.

I really have no clue why I wrote this. ugh...whatever.

So Never Mind

2008-11-01T11:56:00.001-07:00

So the Herald Journal asked us lots of question and had four girls tell our stories and only posted two of the stories, and none of the answers to the questions. Needless to say my story was not one of the ones posted.

Whatever. When it rains, it pours and this past month has created a flood.

Herald Journal

2008-10-31T09:33:00.000-07:00

So just for you all to know, if any of you get the Herald Journal, my code name is Kelcie. They had us give fake names, and won't show any pictures of us. It was fun.

As for the exam...well, I was 2 minutes late and according to the policies, I wasn't allowed to take the exam. He said that if I get really high scores on the next exam and my final I should pass....but if not I will be taking the stinking class again. Oh well, such is the way of life.

Woah what a day

2008-10-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

So my day is going to get pretty busy. I have an psychology exam at 1:30, but before that at 12:30 I get to be interviewed.

November is Adoption Month and the Herald Journal does a story at the beginning of the month. Last year they told the story of a couple that had adopted, this year they are interviewing birth moms. I'm pretty excited but I'm also kindof nervous. Not so much for my exam but for the interview.

After it's published I'll probably post it.

So Whatever

2008-10-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

UGH so disregard everything I've posted about wedding date changes. Our wedding date is July 15. UGH! Good thing it's not for a while but I promise there will be no more changes because I'm frustrated with it all and am not to let it change again. Thanks!

Quick Change

2008-10-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Ok so I thought that a certain date was set, but due to some conflict with family schedules on his side, our date has changed again. We are not certain when the new date will be, but we do know that it will be somewhere near the end of June. Probably the 24. Sorry for this, luckily it's still quite a few months away. So again, I appologize for the previous post.

My Testimony of Adoption and the Savior

2008-10-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

Oct. 15, 2008

For any young girl that is pregnant or anyone that doesn't understand why I made the choice I did to place my son for adoption here is a good example of why. I am not a verbal person, very often no one hears me speak about my feelings but can often find them written somewhere. I thought I would share an experience and some thoughts with you today.

In Luke 22:41-42 it says "...Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done". Christ praying on the Mount of Olives. He understands how I felt when I knew it was close time to give Braxton to his parents. The night Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley pass away (January 27, 2008), I broke down, and cried to my mom telling her I couldn't do it, I couldn't give my child to someone else. I knew that even though Braxton wasn't due for another three weeks (Feb. 18) that my time with him was shorter than expected. I prayed to Heavenly Father to say I was supposed to raise my little boy but something in me told me, "No, you know what you are supposed to do." My step-father gave me a blessing that night and then I prayed again, this time for the strength to do what I knew I needed to.

Less than a week later (Feb. 1), I was in the hospital holding this little guy and feeling at peace with my decision. Even when asked if I was sure that this was the choice I wanted to make, I couldn't second guess myself again. I was sad, don't get me wrong, especially when I had to walk out of the room leaving him in the arms of his parents, but my heart knew that this was the right thing.

I see Braxton now, and I see how happy he is and I know that even though for three days he was mine, he would always be theirs, and was always meant to be theirs. I can't say what would have happened had I changed my mind or second guessed the Lord; I'm sure things would have worked out because I know that the Lord doesn't want to see us suffer regardless of the choices we make, but I do know that Christ understands. He was never a young girl placing her child into the arms of another woman, but he was a man willing to give his life in order to save the souls of those who would come unto him.

I am now happy and engaged to an amazing young man that, even though he barely knew me and the situation, was one of my best friends throughout my pregnancy and now is my best friend. There are days that I still struggle and wonder what it would be like if things were different if I had made a different choice, but through prayer and determination I know that even on the darkest day, the Son can still be seen "...not my will, but thine, be done".

Finding The Angel Within

2008-10-14T16:13:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book called Finding the Angel Within: Spirituality, Body Image, and Self Worth. It is pretty good and if you read my blog just before this, you would under stand why I enjoy it so much. Last night I was reading it and it mentioned a quote by Pres. Spencer W. Kimball that I really like.

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another mortal that he meets our needs...".

I thought that was pretty cool.

Just A Note To Say

2008-10-14T12:54:00.000-07:00

So for all of you who don't know, I have really been struggling these past few months. Yes, I can count all the reasons I'm happy, but sometimes I just wonder Why? I have had a rough couple of months with getting used to school, roommates "issues", and some personal issues. Also for anyone that knows me, you know that I am very down on my appearance. I hate my apperance, and quite frankly can't find much physically attractive about myself, let alone at times my personality either. Now I don't want you all to think I'm on a poor me level, because really I like myself over all for the most part, but as a common person occassionally I have moments when the "poor me" comes out.

Anyway, I woke up this morning...how do I put it...on the wrong side of the bed some what. I put on a baggy white sweater because well, it's getting cold, and pulled my hair into a simple ponytail and no makeup. (I have practically given up makeup all together). I went to my Book of Mormon class and sadly, ended up having to conduct because the two (Olivia and Kyle K.) that normally do conduct were not there. Here I was, feeling terrible already, I had been praying all morning for just help to make it through the day without having a break down, talking to my entire class and asking people to do stuff.

After I was finished conducting, I sat down and went through with the class just trying not to think. Now this is a class full of "singles" there are only two of us that are engaged and three that are married out of twenty some odd students. I was talking with one girl who just recently got married. She was a cute girl. About my size, a little taller, and obviously a few years older. Through out the class she kept looking at me and smiling, and trying to make small talk. All I thought was "Oh great obviously she can tell I'm having a terrible day and is just trying to get her good deed in for the day." I know that wasn't nice and really she is a nice girl from what I have met of her. Right before the closing prayer, she slide a piece of paper onto my desk...I read it...

"I just wanted to tell you you look so pretty today. I really like your white shirt, you look great in it. I'm so excited for you and good luck."

Some reason that note really helped me make it through today. I just thought, "woah, she totally touched base with one of my main issues of today." Anyway, ya that's one of my not so eventful moments in life. It's funny how prayers can be answered sometimes.

New Additions

2008-10-13T10:56:00.001-07:00

So I wasn't sure if Erin would blog about her new additions so I thought I would. A cat had her kittens in Kyle's family's wood shed. There were six kittens. The whole family loved them especially Kyle's little brother, but not long after he had started to find time in the shed he began to get hives. They think that he is allergic to cats. So after a few weeks Kyle and I tried to catch these little guys and bring them to Erin. The mother cat knew our motives however and started to move the kittens. The littlest orange one (Tiger) was left in the shed. He was our first catch. Then Kyle's mom found the other two (Jack and Sqeaker) in another wood stack. As for the other three, the mother was long gone with them. By the way, Jack is the black and orange one. Jack is a girl. The other two are males.

The ride to Erin's was an entertaining one. Of course the kittens weren't going to stay in the box. Instead they stayed on Kyle's lap the entire drive...well all except Jack. I would try to take them off and they would crawl back over to him. Jack, however, had her own idea of what the drive should be and wandered around my car the entire ride, until right before we reached Erin's and then she curled up on a coat in the back of my car with her brothers and went to sleep.

Official

2008-10-13T10:44:00.000-07:00

So Kyle and I have picked an official date. I know, I know, we have nine months to plan but he has family coming from New Mexico and other parts of the country. Plus finding a place to stay here during the middle summer is a pain if you don't plan the trip in advance.

Our date is July 15. It is a Wednesday. I know totally crazy but hey, woohoo! I am freaked out and I love it.

High School Buds

2008-10-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

Last night was way fun. Normally at least once a week I end up hanging out with some of my high school friends (cus let's face it, I haven't made many new ones since I moved here).

Olivia, Marcey, and I went to Chili's and ate. We were there for an hour and a half just joking and talking. The waitress had to come to our table three times before we were ready to order. It is amazing that even though we only graduated only four months ago, there was a whole lot we needed to catch up on...or at least we felt we needed to catch up on.

After we ate, Marcey and I decided to go to shopko and take pictures with the merchandise. Yes, I know you're not supposed to do that but we did. Haha, that is as exciting as my week has been.

Help

2008-10-05T22:10:00.001-07:00

Does anyone know how to change the background on my blog without losing all of my gadgets?

Man Tag

2008-10-05T21:57:00.000-07:00

A. The rules are posted at the beginning.

B. Each person answers questions about their sweethearts.

C. At the end of each post, the person then tags people and posts their names; then goes onto their blog and leaves them a comment letting them know they have been tagged.

All right people, here are the facts and details:

What is your husbands name? Kyle Christopher

How long have you been married? haha, we're not yet but we're on our way there

How long did you date? Just over three months and then we'll be engaged for just over ten months

How old is he? 18

Who eats more sweets? Probably him, but neither of us really like sweet stuff

Who said I love you first? He did, haha.

Who is taller? Oh he is by far

Who can sing the best? Kyle

Who is smarter? depends

Who does the laundry? He has done his own for a few years where, haha, I'm just starting so it will probably be him

Who pays the bills? Surprisingly I have a little better money managing skills than he does. Money tends to burn a hole in his pocket

Who mows the lawn? Him

Who cooks dinner? We've agreed we're both going to

Who drives? He does.

Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Him because let's face it...when am I ever wrong.

Who kissed who first? Eeee...I'd say him

Who asked who out first? I asked him to hang out first. We didn't go on a date until after we were a couple, haha.

Who wears the pants? I have a feeling it'll be me haha he's really easy going but everyone has told me that will change.

I tag: Holly, Ronda, Amanda, Lisa B, and anyone else that wants something interesting too do.

8 Things

2008-10-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

8 Things Tag...

8 Things I am PASSIONATE About...
1. Kyle
2. My family
3. Adoption
4. My religion
5. Reading
6. Writing
7. Pictures
8. Politics

8 "words" or "phrases" I say way to often...
1. Like
2. So
3. Or Something
4. Lol
5. Whatever
6. Oh really
7. Grrr
8. like blah

8 Things I want to do before I die...
1. Have kids
2. Be a social worker
3. Write a book
4. Work with struggling teens
5. Give a motivational talk or speech (being a motivational speaker would be awesome)
6. Go to Europe
7. Take a photography class
8. Learn to speak Spanish fluently

8 Things I have learned From my past...
1. Sometimes hearing "I love you" doesn't mean anything...and sometimes it means everything
2. When we turn to God, even the hardest thing is worth it
3. When it comes down to it, my family will always be there for me when everyone else has left me
4. By planning my time better, I manage to find extra time to do what I want
5. Money isn't everything, and can ruin people
6. When someone loves you, it is amazing what they will do for you
7. Forgiving doesn't mean you need to forget, it just means "get over it"
8. Don't take anyone's help for grantide, because when they're not around you're going to wish they were.

8 Places I would love to see...
1. Ireland
2. Spain
3. The other Hawaiian islands that I haven't been too
4. New York
5. All 50 states
6. Paris
7. Italy
8. Alaska

8 Things I Currently Need or Want...
1. a shower
2. a nice long nap
3. a massage
4. to lose weight
5. summer
6. time to go faster
7. a passing grade in my math class
8. food

8 More People I Tag!
1.AnDe
2.Mom
3.Tana
4.Erin
5.Trish
6.Shane
7.Lisa Bell
8.Amanda

Weight Loss Help

2008-09-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

So I am trying to lose weight for the wedding. (July 18) My goal weight is 105 (which is a healthy weight for my height). Does anyone know any workouts or anything I can do to achieve this. I am keeping a food log at fitday.com. I need simple workouts I can do in between classes as well.

Family Reunion

2008-09-23T15:35:00.000-07:00

This weekend was fun. Most of the family was able to go the family reunion. It was way fun because it has been a while since most of us were together, plus some of those who haven't met Kyle got a chance to. After that we went home and hung out and play Uno Attack. Kyle and I both had a really good time.

Ty, Kyle, Zack, Shane, and Kevin.

Ty, Kyle, and Zack.

Kevin and Ralph. They are both quite a good shot. Kevin was in the final two.

The city boys. I don't think either of them did too bad.

I was quite excited with myself too. Kyle convinced me to shoot with the girls *note: I have only shot once or twice before this* and although I did terrible, I did get Tana out. Woohoo!

Couple's Survey

2008-09-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

1:: What are your middle names? Jo and Christopher

2:: How long have you been together? about 4 1/2 months

3:: Do you have any children together? not yet

4:: What about pets? nope

5:: Did you go to the same school? not this year but next year we will

6:: Are you from the same hometown? no

7:: Do you live in the same town now? no

8:: Who is the smartest? well that's a mean question. Um....me haha I don't know

9:: Who is the most sensitive? me

10:: Where is the first place you went to eat as a couple? umm...I'm not sure Hometown Drive-In I think

11:: Do you wear matching clothes? not on purpose but we're match quite a few times on accident

12: Where is the furthest you have traveled as a couple? Logan

13:: Who has the craziest exes? Me for sure

14:: Who has the worst temper? Me by far, he doesn't have a temper I swear

15:: Who does the cooking? We're both learning

16::Who's more social? Kyle

17:: Who is the neat freak? neither of us is really a neat freak, it just depends on what it is whether we are more neat or not. I am better at keeping my school work organized. My car drives him nuts.

18:: Who is the most affectionate? Kyle

19:: Who is the most stubborn? We're both pretty stubborn but he normally gives in and goes with my way

20:: Who wakes up earlier? Kyle but only by about 15 minutes

21:: Where was your first date? Uh...I guess at his house

22:: Who said "I Love You" first? Kyle did

23:: How did you spend your 1st year anniversary? We haven't had it yet

24:: Who has the bigger family? Me for sure

25:: Do you give/get flowers often? no sadly but that's ok

26:: How do you spend the holidays? We will be able to with both families because they only live ten minutes apart.

27:: Do you think you will ever get married? We will be in July.

28:: Who made the first move? It was kindof mutual at the Homecoming dance (September) even though we didn't start dating until May

29:: Where was your first kiss? In my car just outside the hottub. We weren't even dating yet, we were trying to make the other girl with us uncomfortable.

30:: Do you get along with each others parents? For the most part.

Packed Sunday

2008-09-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

I had a pretty full day on Sunday. First I went horseback riding with Cindy on the beach. That was really fun. Her horse was really skittish but other than that it was just great to get.

After that Kyle and I went to a mission fairwell of one of my friend's over in Randolph. I can't believe one guy that I graduated with is already going on a mission.

Once we got back from Randolph we went fourwheeling with Mom and Ralph. It was a long trip because part of the way through I decided that we should go to Old Ephraim's grave. Surprisingly, as a native to Colorado, Kyle seemed to know more of the stories about Old Ephraim than I did.

Finally we went to his house covered in dust, and spent time with his parents. I am going to have to get used to balancing my time between our families.

We didn't know that Mom had taken these first two pictures.

Quirks!

2008-09-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

Quirks!
I wasn't tagged by anybody but I stole this off of Mandy's page! The Rules are....tell about 7 quirks of yours & then Tag 7 fellow bloggers to do the same, be sure to leave a comment to let them know.

1- Every week day morning I make a list of all the things I need to do that day, as well as all the things I want to do that day.

2- I have to always have my black and red blanket in bed with me no matter where I am sleeping.

3- When I am stressed or thinking really deeply about something, I lay against a couch with my feet in the air and my head touching the floor.

4- I roll my eyes alot when I talk, even if I'm just having a simple conversation.

5- I like the taste of blood. I don't go hunting for it or anything, but if like my arm is bleeding, I subconciously suck the blood.

6- I do not like using hair dryers.

7- I sometimes like popping zits.

I tag Mom, Lisa, Trish, Tana, Erin, AnDe, and Holly or anyone else that wants to do this.

Honor, Withstand, Live, Share

2008-09-09T18:08:00.000-07:00

You have a heritage;

HONOR IT.

You will meet temptation;

WITHSTAND IT.

You know the truth;

LIVE IT.

You posses a testimony;

SHARE IT.

Pres. Thomas S. Monson

How well...

2008-09-05T14:18:00.000-07:00

How well DO you know your spouse (significant other)?

1. They are watching TV..... What are they watching?
Sponge Bob, or something on Discovery Channel.

2. You're out to eat. what kind of dressing do they get on their salad.
Ranch

3.What's one food this person doesn't like?
I don't know but I'd better learn soon

4. You go to Applebeas... he or she orders.
no clue

5.Where did he/she go to high school?
Rich High School and another high school in Colorado

6.What size shoe do they wear?
10 or 11?

7. If this person were to collect anything, it would be.....
books, or movies

8.What is their favorite type of car?
Uh...fast?

9. This person could eat __________ everyday.
Roman Noodles

10.Favorite cereal?
I dont know

11. This person wouldn't be caught dead wearing.....
Haha I'm not sure

12.Favorite sports team?
He really doesn't get into sports

13.Who will he/she vote for?
McCain

14.Favorite color?
Blue

15.What is something you do that he/she wishes you didn't?
Not sure

16.How many states has this person lived in?
3 I think

17.What is he/she's heritage?
not really sure but I know he's like a fourth mexican

18. You bake them a cake for their birthday....What kind do they want?
chocolate19.

Did he/she play sports in high school?
Golf

20. This person could spend hours......
with me, haha. Watching movies or reading.

Birthmother Poem

2008-09-05T14:14:00.001-07:00

Birthmother

B is for the bravery of putting your child first
I is for the interest you have in your child
R is for remaining true to what you believed is best
T is for the tears you shed
H is for the hours you spend pondering adoption

M is for the months you were pregnant
O is for the overwhelming and mixed emotions
T is for the terrific woman you are
H is for the honor you deserve
E is for the experience of labor
R is for the reward of choosing life

I don't know who wrote this but I thought it was pretty neat.

Well....guess what!

2008-09-04T16:59:00.000-07:00

So um I don't know how to put this. I have been dating Kyle for the past few months and things have been going great! Really great! So, once things get figured out, you will all need to keep a date open for next summer! I'm engaged! Woah, I know.

I might as well tell you how he did it. First we went to first dam, just outside Logan. I was pretty sure that this was coming soon but I wasn't positive. Anyway, he didn't do it there. Then we went Aggie ice cream and he didn't do there. By then I was getting frustrated and was sure I'd be waiting another few weeks. Then he kept telling me I should drive. I told him that I didn't want to drive. So he drove us back to first dam. After we got out of the car he tossed me the keys. He was laughing for some strange reason. I was playing with the keys trying to figure out why he was laughing. Then I felt something strange. There between my car key and my house key was the ring. I took the ring off of the keys and then he got down on one knee and asked me. WOOHOO! I'm totally excited and totally in awe. This is so crazy!

Evanston Rodeo

2008-08-31T11:17:00.001-07:00

Last night we went to the Evanston Cowboy Days Rodeo. The main reason for going was to see Erin but Kyle and I made it just as she was leaving the arena (sorry again Erin). It was fun to spend time with the family though.

Sage had me take multiple pictures of her. She is such a fun little girl.

Tyson was able to come home for the weekend.

Tylee is such a sweet heart.

Kyle wearing Sage's hat.

After the rodeo Tyson, Kyle, and I went to Tyrel and Bobbi's house and played Rock Band on Tyrel's Wii. It was a fun day.